Livia the American

Around the time that I was 5 years old my parents packed up the whole family and moved us from a little town in Brazil to West Palm Beach, Florida. They did this because the country was in a bad state of disrepair and they wanted us to have opportunties. I benefited from this move. I went to good schools, I performed well, I'm at a great college. But it hurt us, also. I don't know what it's like to spend summers at my Grandmother's house and I don't have any family that comes over for Christmas. Now things are different, of course, because my Grandmother comes to visit once a year and we have many friends to fill the house at Christmas.

Although I don't have a great grasp of Portuguese, I always denied being American, particularly at times when there was a huge anti-American sentiment around the world and when people complain about the president (hey, I don't have anything to do with it, I can't vote!)

My family applied for citizenship when the right time came (the process is long). My dad was naturalized in 1997, INS (now USCIS) lost the other 4 applications. So, we restarted the process and I received my green card when I was 17.

Today I became a naturalized citizen. I walked up to the table, signed an oath stating that I will not swear my allegiance to any other country and that I will serve and bear arms if necessary (yeah, right :-p) and I felt somewhat sad. I don't want to be able to be drafted, I thought; I don't want to not place Brazil first in my heart.

I always thought that I would let citizenship happen when I got married (presumably to an American) but then I chose the Aerospace business where there is no work for non-citizens. So, it had to be done.

But last night as I lay awake listening to the wind howl, I finally had some peace about this happening. Recently I have gotten more and more involved with politics and the direction of this nation (even though I could not vote) and I am glad that now there will be one more fully-informed person voting every time and trying her darndest to inspire those around her to make their own decisions about where the country should be headed.

Sure, I was born a brazilian and will always have some traits that cannot be taken away (the dancing, the booty, the drinking tolerance) but the truth is that I grew up here and am just as American as those around me (gosh, it hurts to say that :-p). Now it's my turn to bring a little of my culture to those around me and help to shape and mold the space around me. Sure, I make cracks about how the citizenship oath should state "I promise to forget all geography I ever learned and to not care about the environment and to forget that anyone else in the world exists" but deep down I am a little proud.

By the way, here's something I was thinking about. Signing the oath I realized that there is no room here for hyphens. Sure, my heritage is Brazilian, and I could probably call myself Brazilian-American (as my kids might... if they inherit my dancing skills) but there is no room for the hyphen when it comes to citizenship. And so I thought, if I have to give mine up, why doesn't everyone else? I'm going to leave that thought there before I offend someone...

So, would you like to come to my "Livia's a Citizen 18 years in the making party?"

The first week of the rest of my undergraduate career

The first week was alright. I've been in this funk that I can't quite explain or seem to shake. I believe it's from the lack of vacation and just first week general stress. Hopefully I can snap out of it because I can't afford to get behind so early in the game.

I think I have become super nostalgic since realizing that the end of "college" is near. I want to cram as much fun into this semester as possible.

I love love LOVE my roomies! They are all great girls and we have spent a good amount of time together already, beginning with Melissa's 21st birthday. Check flickr for photos.

I actually have made some decisions (sorta) about the future and some stuff that happened this week served to give me peace about them, but that's for another entry.

On Tuesday I am going for my citizenship interview... wish me luck! (yeah right... :-p)

Financial Aid

One again, I have a problem with the financial aid office. Why is it that this school, which turns out some of the best and brightest of today's society, can't get people with brains to work for them?

I am absolutely certain that if they were to take more care in hiring smart people, they could ultimately save time and money.

Pixie

I was listening to Ani DiFranco in the car today and this song reminded me of a certain person I used to know:

the man behind the counter looks like he's got
a halfa dozen places he'd rather be
and furthermore it looks like he's prepared
to take it all out on me
buddy, i don't really care what your problem is
just don't make it mine
come on kids, let's all hold hands
and pretend we're having a good time

maybe you don't like your job
maybe you didn't get enough sleep
well, nobody likes their job
nobody got enough sleep
maybe you just had
the worst day of your life
but, you know, there's no escape
and there's no excuse
so just suck up
suck up
suck up and be nice
be nice

~Pixie, Ani DiFranco

I know we all slip up every once in a while, but I've been trying to be better about this. But I know one or two people who are notorious for treating other people poorly on their bad days and thinking that it's a good excuse and it's not. But then again they thing they're the exception to a lot of things. Oh well.

In other news, yesterday Will and I had an unknown anniversay. We ended up going to the Braves game with Alex and Brian (I can sometimes get awesome tickets through the place I used to work last summer) and I realized that it was right around this time of year that he and I went to a game with his parents when we first started dating. I came home and checked the ticket (since I am a pack rat) and discovered that it was the same day! How weird is that?

My Quarter Life Crisis

Well, that's what my friend John Bumgarner (my other at work email buddy besides Alex) called it. I have no idea what direction to head in next. There are so many options and I just wish someone would tell me what the right answer is. Where's that darn solution manual again?

I could start graduate school in January. Or I could skip grad school and just get a job. But I want to stay in Atlanta. But is it retarded to stick around cause of Will? And I want to race on the cycling team. But I do have an interview with Delta coming up. And I've always wanted to work for an airline, at least for a little while.

Or, I could start graduate school in August. And help out the Malloys til then. It would be awesome to have some time away from school, since I've been doing it straight since my Junior year of high school. And the job would be great. But maybe I would lose some footing at the ASDL, and I love my job there.

Or maybe I could just take a break until August and then start school. Or take a break then look for a "real" job.

I don't know what to do. I guess when the time comes the right doors will open and close and point me in the right direction. But I'm a big planner and I'd like to know now. I suppose the first step is to talk to Dr. Kirby tomorrow about the reasonableness (hey, that's a tech assessment term) of my missing 7 months of stuff at the lab. We'll see...

Boys are Stupid

No, this post isn't about Will (everything is awesome in that department).

I am really, really, really irritated with two guys right now. Both younger. They're not connected, but it's interesting how similar they are. They both resort to insulting me. About stupid things. Example: an insult regarding that fact that I read music in alto clef (as a violist, this is the clef we read mostly, along with treble). WTF? What kind of person insults the clef of the music you read? How insecure are you (ie how small does your dick have to be) to insult someone on something like that? Their insults have ranged from music to activities to anything else.

It turns out younger boys are stupid. Will says he wasn't stupid at their age, but who knows. I didn't know him then (I doubt he was though, he's always been a step ahead of his peers):-p They are so immature. And the funny thing is that they think they are mature for their age. Yeah, insulting people is mature. Good job, guys.

Seriously, I've been nothing but nice to them. Done anything from waiting on them to carpooling with them. My thanks is shallow, disgusting insults. And they wonder at their lack of friends.

Hey guys, your loss. I'm not the one hurting for company.

A Lack of Interesting Women

A few weeks ago I was a part of a market research group and it has been on my mind ever since. It was a study for a new energy drink from Tab (aka Coke) that was geared towards the female market. Yeah, I know I don't drink energy drinks (at least not without Jaeger) but I figured that wouldn't matter (for $75 and dinner). So sue me.

We were in a miked room with one-way mirrors. It was interesting. As an ice breaker, and to get everyone talking, we had to talk to the girl sitting next to us and learn things about her in order to introduce her to the group. The girl next to me recently moved to Atlanta "for a change of scenery." She worked for Lanier Worldwide and said she loved baseball, summer and the 4th of July.

We were the last to go. As they went around the room introducing each other and themselves, I began to notice something. Each girl had listed shopping, "lying out," and partying as what they liked to do. With the exception of a girl (also from Tech), my partner and myself, all the girls had the same, uninteresting response.

It got to be my turn. Unlike the others, I wasn't a psychology or marketing major. I told them my major, that I do undergraduate research, that I am a member of GT's Cycling Team and a student pilot. They all looked at me in this weird way. They guy leading the group asked me what else I like to do... as if there's time for anything else?

Since when did diversity and interestingness disappear among young women? I have been, for the most part, very fortunate in the women that I meet at Georgia Tech. Most are overachievers. Among the many women I know, there are swimmers, runners, readers, activists, cyclists, pilots, golfers, musicians, researchers and the list goes on. These women are clearly the leaders among our peers and will be later on in life, undoubtedly.

But, following that experience, I begin to wonder if we are not the norm but the exception. Maybe, by attending this fairly "elite" school, we have been surrounded by the over achievers. Of course there are those who, when you ask them what they're interested in, can't really seem to find an answer. Is that the kind of woman that society is producing today? When I enter the "real world" (assuming it ever happens) will I be surrounded by women who cannot carry a conversation about current events or anything outside of the popular fashion trends and celebrities?

Don't get me wrong, I pay attention to all of that stuff as well. But whatever happened to being well rounded?

Will always says that he had an "interesting" (or uninteresting) time dating before he met me. He's always known that he can attract the extremely good looking girls. He said he became tired of the girls who had always gotten through life by relying on their looks. Perhaps those are the same as the ones that I refer to. The ones that spend more time on their makeup than they do on what's in their brain.

Hopefully, that's not the case. For now I'll be thankful for knowing the Jen Lees, Alex Kennedys, Elise Beiseckers, Katy Halls (and the list goes on) of the world. The girls that can talk about everything from politics to last night's episode of Gilmore Girls. And hope that in the future we can be mentors to young girls and inspire them to be "interesting."

Like a Train Wreck

Tonight I received some news that hit me like a train wreck. I discovered that the parents of the kids that I refer to as "my little cousins" have been separated for one week. What was shocking was that I found out from the four year old. But even more so, I never imagined that happening.

I always knew his father wasn't a good father. He wasn't into it. He never wanted children. But Alden came along unexpectedly. Then Kaya. Sure, he didn't want children... but whatever happened to living up to your responsibilities? It's not like blowing off a test or a class... it's two small, extremely precious, bright lives.

The effects of an absent, uninterested father could already be seen on Alden. He clearly craved that male bond and affection. He quickly bonded with my dad ("Uncle E"), Ray ("Uncle Ray") and now Will ("Uncle Will" or sometimes "Squeaky Mouse"). Now he will have a father who is absent, but completely.

"My" kids, Alden and Kaya


I love these kids like they were my own. I don't want to see something so negative happen to them so soon. Which I guess would explain why I'm so upset. I'm also really angry. He was already so absent, what the hell gives him the right to completely exit? Yeah, sure there are those who will say "he has the right to live his own life." To that I say: he shouldn't have had children. And if they say "it wasn't planned" I say so what? It takes two people to make a baby. So grow up and take a little responsibility.

I guess that's the outlook that makes it clear that I definitely want a family of my own :-p I know those who are too selfish for children. Hey, if you don't want children, no problem. Just don't have any.

Family Matters

Last week was my "vacation". It was the first week without classes so I also took time from work. Since Will and I both wanted to take a trip, but save money at the same time, we decided to head to Columbus for some relaxation.

Travelling there, although always fun, makes me nervous every time. In two years, I have only been there 5 or 6 times. I'm not as familiar with his family as he is with mine. On top of that, his mom is not a fan of mine. So, even though I was looking forward to good cycling and nature time, I was not looking forward to being uncomfortable with his family.

This time was different. Instead of heading out to try to see and do everything, we decided to spend more time hanging out and decompressing. That gave me more time with his family. Unlike most of the other time that I have visited, Will's brother was home. I had spent the least amount of time with him so it was neat to see them interact. Thursday night we all sat down to a game of Cranium (which his Mom and Dad also played with us) which was very entertaining, even though Will and I are nowhere near as good as Jen Schur and I were. I really enjoyed just sitting down with them, becoming familiar with how they interact and learning more about all of them. As usual, his sister was hilarious and cracked me up all the time. Imagine a girl Will minus the engineering dorkiness but with all the humor and captivating personality. His Dad talked to me about many things, as usual, even Carnaval in Brazil.

His Mom's attitude towards me has certainly changed. Last time I visited we went out to dinner with just his Dad and sister... his mom wouldn't go. This time, the four of us ate out on Saturday night together (at Texas Roadhouse!). It was nice to talk to them. She and I are strikingly similar in some aspects (which must be extremely scary for Will).

Who knows, perhaps she's just resigned herself to the fact that it's been two years and I haven't gone anywhere. We've weathered everything that's come our way and I expect for that to continue happening. But, I think what was even more important was that both Will and I could be a little more comfortable. His Mom's disapproval of me had placed a large weight on our relationship once and it's very nice for that to begin to lift. It's also great to think that one day I may fit in with them like he does with my family (well, maybe not... my parents would trade me for him).

We had plans to visit Oxbow Meadows, Callaway, Coca Cola Space Science Museum and long bike rides every day. We ended up doing only one long ride, taking naps everyday, visiting the Riverwalk, and watching Wedding Crashers. Oh, and many games of Cranium, of course. It was a wonderful vacation and I'm sad that it's over so soon. As many people have said (most recently repeated by Lance Armstrong)... a body at rest stays at rest.

I really like Columbus. Great biking, you can see the stars (if it's not overcast) and there's nature everywhere.

A Garden


Black and White Garden


The Riverwalk





My cutie


I loved this house!