The Molding of Young Minds

The Fall of my Sophomore year was an interesting time. Not only was it my most stressful semester to date, I also felt a little lost. I wanted an internship, a research position or something to distinguish myself. Trouble is, I wasn't a citizen yet and it wasn't a great time for the aerospace industry.

Then I received an email about this scholarship from Boeing. I wasn't going to apply but they emphasized wanting minorties and women, so I thought why not.

This scholarship was given out by the Boeing chair of the AE school, Dr. Dimitri Mavris. "Doc," as everyone who works with him calls him, also happens to be the head of the Aerospace Systems Design Lab. He spoke of wanting us to become involved, of wanting to inspire us to attend grad school. I thought, sign me up!

It was difficult to become involved in research there. I found out recently that they didn't really believe in the power of undergraduates at the time, and the first ones were just making their way through (those include Elise and Scott). In the Summer of 2004 I finally got involved (sorta) with the ASDL by doing some work with Hernando, a guy I had met my freshman year who now is a grad student. By the end of that summer I was extremely frustrated. I wanted more.

I spoke with Doc and he handed me over to Dr. Michelle Kirby. She intimidated me. But soon I became part of her team and was attending meetings and trying to learn as much about TIES and TMAT (her two processes) as I could. The learning curve was steep and at times I felt completely useless. Since I was inexperienced with coding and probabilistics, in January Michelle put me to work on the NIA Congressional Study. Then came the ONR calculator, where I was really able to show my stuff. Then came this summer, where I worked more hours and harder than I had before and became an integral part of my team. She was intimidating, but through the intimidation I found that I am very much like her in some respects and different in others. But mostly I just learned that she wants kids to become involved and to grow, and that's what I was doing.

At the end of this summer she sat us (me, Elise, Sara, Paul) down and told us she would begin moving us away from doing "grunt" work and starting to teach us to become researchers. I was excited, this was what I had ultimately been aiming for.

I got a clear picture of what all of this work and grooming has been leading up to this Thursday. We have been working on developing a new process, and Michelle has been trying to push me, Elise and Sara into doing more of the thinking and development. We had a brainstorming meeting this past Thursday and for the first time I got to contribute thoughts and ideas. I convinced to myself the importance of a Master's degree. They don't teach innovation in undergrad.

It was so exciting to be a part of that integral team that is forming this new (and what I think to be extremely important) process for NASA, ONR and industry in general. Thursday after a 3 day workshop to learn new software, we were standing around talking to the guy from the company that came to visit. She was telling him the history of the ASDL, why undergraduates are important, and her little "army." He asked about the value of a degree from another place and I told him I had done some research and hadn't found anywhere quite like the ASDL. She turned to me and said "Forget it, you're not going anywhere."

I am already taking a graduate class. They will be moving me into a desk as soon as someone moves out.

I have come to love the ASDL and the ASDL family. Will and I have become one of the ASDL "couples," even though we were "external" originally. But mostly, as I see now more and more what a graduate education here will be like, I know it's the right place for me. Doc, the father figure to all of us, spends more time in class talking about becoming leaders and being leaders with character and integrity than on the equations or theory. Our education as engineers is complete, he says. Now we will become leaders, innovators, and complete people. It's nice to finally be somwhere where they acknowledge that on paper a person may look good but ultimately it is their character that will decide where they go.

Applied Design is not like senior design where we will all have the same answer. Our RFP is so broad we could take it wherever we want to, and that is liberating. I know that I will be at the forefront of the industry and innovation someday, and that's just cool.

It is weird to think that in December I will be an "engineer" and in January I will (continue) work on my master's degree. That makes me feel so old...

:-)

I am not an angry girl.

I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distress
and I don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
wouldn't you prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere?

I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling

and I am sorry
but I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

and generally, my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally I agree with them
trouble is you gotta have youself an alternate plan
and I have earned my disillusionment
I have been working all of my life
and I am a patriot
I have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are no damsels in distress
what if I knew that and I called your bluff?
don't you think every kitten figures out how to get down?
whether or not you ever show up

I am not a pretty girl
I don't really want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl.
~ Not a Pretty Girl, Ani DiFranco

2 Good Weekends and Some Craziness In Between

So... I've been really really busy. Last weekend we went to Six Flags on Friday, which was awesome. I went with Elise, John, Brian and of course Will (one of our very first dates/outings was to Six Flags so its tradition to go and this was the 3rd time!) We rode the Scorcher then ran into Katina and her husband Ari, which also seems to be a tradition. So our new bigger group then went on Deja Vu, did the wheelie, bumper cars, Superman and Batman twice. Good times! I always love catching up with Katina and I can't believe she's married now! But now she's my Monday lunch buddy!

Saturday consisted of a bike ride, going to the game and then to Wreck the Deck at Delta Chi. Good times... better described in pictures than in words. Oh, except for the asinine guys behind us at the game that kept yelling "you suck" every 2 seconds to the UNC band. Then when they got bored of that they turned to Spanish insults. Classy, right?

Sunday I of course spent the whole day at home, as usual.

This past week was pretty hectic through Wednesday (aero homework due, structures hw due, fluids lab report due... all on the same day). Tuesday I went and got my hair cut at the Aveda Institute, which went well except for that it took forever. I caught a bug or something so I was kinda sick Wednesday and Thursday. Then Wednesday during lab I received a text from Will saying to call my Mom and I was immediately worried. She had a mammogram done the week before and it turns out they found lumps in both of her breasts. One was a cyst filled with water, which they drained this past Friday, and the other is a tumor which they did a biopsy on and we will find out the results either tomorrow or Tuesday. Needless to say I'm really worried about her, but I guess I've always thought she'd end up with some type of cancer (liftime smoker). But, one step at a time and for now I'm just trying to focus on other stuff and not be so worried.

This past Friday Will and I finally made it to the Botanical Gardens, which we had been trying to do since May. It was reallly awesome, up until it started raining (figures). I took many great pictures (check out flickr). Then we went out to dinner and caught up with Alex and Melissa and their swim club people and headed to Ramblin Nights. Yesterday I was extremely unproductive all day then went to the game and today spent the day taking care of Kaya and Alden since I couldn't lift anything.

Since pictures can probably capture the fun better, here goes:

Me and Will at the UNC game


Brian and Alex at the UNC game


Yay for cool roomies!


Me and Will at Wreck the Deck


Melissa and Stephen at Wreck the Deck


We like to party :-)


Kaya and Alden going for a spin in the convertible


Botanical Gardens


A view of a really cool exhibit at the Gardens called "Locomotion in the Garden"


Flowers... and Will :-)


Alex, Brian and Will about to go off the 5 meter board (they are braver than I am)


There he goes!


Will, Me, Kristy at the game


Yay for a new picture with Buzz!


Alden in his fort


Kaya loves my Mom... and "tickers"


Kaya talking to "Lulu"


And now for another crazy week...

What goes around comes around

It's called Karma. It's a bitch, isn't it?

Ha.

Colors

Can you feel it crush you
Does it seem to bring the worst in you out
There's no running away from
These things that hold you down

Do they complicate you
Because they make you feel like this
Of all the colors that you shine
This is surely not your best

But you should know these
Colors that your shinin'

Are surely not the best
Colors that you shine

Surely not the best
Colors that you shine

I know you feel alone, yea
No one else can figure you out
But don't you ever turn away from
The ones that help you down

They love to save you
Don't you know they would love to see you smile
But these colors that you shine
Are surely not your style

But you should know these
Colors that your shinin'
Are surely not your best.
~Crossfade, Colors

Cowardly Behavior

Melissa has been the unlucky recipient of some hateful anonymous blog comments. This has happened to me before, also. Another similar situation is people making hateful comments behind my back, which I experienced not only last spring but also last week.

I became extremely irritated when I read what was written on her blog. It appears that the individual who wrote those comments did not bother to read what she had written, or more likely is too ignorant to understand words like hegemony. But, on top of that, this person didn't have the balls to sign their name with their comment. Now, I know some people who say pretty infuriating things a lot of the time, but at least they have the courage to stand up for what they say.

But, as I continued to think about the situation, as well as the ones prior to this one, I began to pity these people. A person who feels the need to leave hateful anonymous messages to someone in order to make themselves feel better is not a good person. I mean really, how sad is that? In fact, I think they make a pretty pathetic excuse of a person. If you're going to be that childish, at least own up to it.

Last spring I had a girl lie outright to my face about comments she had been making. I also had someone make a not nice comment on my own blog and not live up to it. Come on, people, grow some balls!

If we can't take credit for what we're saying, then perhaps we should not be saying those things at all.

I admire Melissa (and others) for always attaching their name to their statements, no matter what fallout may come after.

Sex and the City

I have started watching Sex and the City, sometimes the roomies do, too. We started talking about who was most like which character (I'm sure there is some quiz online that I could take). Kristy is obviously most like Charlotte, and Alex like Carrie. Then we got to me, and Will automatically said Miranda. That surprised me a little bit, since I am a romatic and very traditional.

However, the other day as I was walking back from class lost in my thoughts, I realized that I do think like Miranda (in a lot of ways). I believe in hard work, I believe that you should earn everything, I believe in being independent. I don't believe in entitlement. All that "No child left behind stuff?" I say leave them. Otherwise you will teach them that they can get by without a lot of work. I believe that there should be weed out courses and those who are "weeded out" should pursue something else. Life is not about being the smartest, it's about being the hardest worker, the most motivated and committed. It's about being resilient.

I somehow learned along the way that there should be hard work involved in everything. That being successful takes a lot of time and determination (somehow my siblings didn't get this message :-p) I've met many people who believe that they are entitled or use excuses to get ahead in the world and not work hard. I think it is people like this who will lead America to no longer be the world leader in many things.

It's not entirely their fault, of course. Many of us are raised by parents who grew up without anything or didn't spend much time with their kids and want to give them everything. I believe it's a form of enabling.

I have the perfect example to illustrate my opinion. I have a co-worked (I knew her from before, that is the next example). She is also AE. A day this summer illustrated exactly what I mean. Since May we had been told that we were expected to keep a certain weekend open as we would need to work (thanks, NASA). She booked a trip for that weekend. She returned the Monday after our work filled weekend and immediately started complaining about having to stay late that night because she had a lot of homework. Then, later on in the summer, she was upset because I got more recognition than her. She and I worked on a project in the spring also were something similar happened. A deadline was coming up and she kept bailing on the workload because of schoolwork.

A few of my points: I understand the schoolwork thing also, as I also take the same classes. I try to get a lot of work done so that my work time can be devoted to just that: working. I think if you book a trip the weekend before you have a ton of work to do, you need to get the work out of the way. Or, not complain when it's not done. And I think if you're not committed, then you shouldn't be surprised when you don't get responsibility, leadership, and recognition. She expects to have seniority over me because she has been with the lab longer, but she doesn't realize that seniority doesn't come from the time you spend there but rather what you do with it.

Strangely enough, I also got a negative impresison of her when we first me. It was the Summer semester of 2003. She was in the class that Will and I met in, Dynamics. 29 of us were in that class, 23 failed. I knew the situation wasn't right, and that not all 23 of us could be dumb slackers (like Loewy wanted us to think) so I organized meetings and petitioned to have our grades changed. She told me that she was absolutely uninterested in working to have her grade changed. However, when the news went out that the petition had been approved, she was the first to sign up.

Unfortunately life can be unfair sometimes and the not hard workers can still get by, or your hard work will go unnoticed. Either way, I think it's important to take initiative and be a motivated person.

I guess I am just bothered recently by those who want everything but don't want to work for it and get upset when they don't get it. Or, those who complain about their situation but have put themselves there and do nothing about it.

Speaking of busy weekends and too much work, this weekend should be awesome. Six Flags, cycling, tailgating, football, partying, little cousins and perhaps a little homework in between. I hope it's worth it when I'm stressed next Tuesday night...

... I know it will be ;-)

If you can watch Oprah and not cry...

...then you must have a heart of stone. I just happened to be here this afternon while Oprah was on and she is in Texas covering the aftermath of hurricane katrina. Although I had been affected by the coverage on the news and by talking to friends affected, nothing affected me like Oprah's coverage did. She of course went beyond what CNN (if I have to watch TV news it definitely will not be Fox) covered and spoke to people. The stories just broke my heart. There are those still sleeping on streets who have had food for days and haven't seen their families for a week. There are those who passed away on the side of the street.

This is America. This shouldn't happen to citizens of this country. There are those who say that these people should have heeded the evacuation warning, but what about the people who had no choice? What is you were too poor to own a car, be able to get a hotel room or a train/plane/bus ticket?

What strikes me is how short sighted we as people can be. We don't take the time to understand and appreciate the situations of others. Not only that, but we take what we have for granted. Sure there are hard days, hard tests; people walk into and out of your life, etc. We should take the time to appreciate what we have and give to those who are less fortunate than ourselves.

I am extremely proud of the Georgia Tech family for opening its doors and hearts to those affected. As some of the most priveledged people on the planet, it is our duty to be selfless and give of ourselves. This is what will keep the world a happy, good place and I have seen my peers more than step up to the plate and it warms my heart.

3 Girls, 1 Boat, No Underwear and Some Garden Domes

Well, there were 2 boys, also. Sunday Kristy, Alex, Will and I met John up at Lake Allatoona to do some sailing on his boat "High Flight." We spent most of the beautiful day just sailing (sometimes motoring) around, following a guy around the lake who turned out to not be hot, and telling Alex to put on some sunscreen. We took lunch and ate out on the boat. We had a great time, especially when re-enacting the Titanic and being "Garden Domes" (another funny Alex/Kristy quote) on the front of the boat. The only thing that could have made it better would have been for Melissa and Stephen to be there! The best way to describe the day is through pictures so here goes.

Kristy and Alex


I don't have a silly face like Alex


Yay for Roomies! (we need to photoshop Melissa in)


One of the great Alex faces


Will helping to raise the sails


John displaying skills


Glamourous Kristy


A couple of Garden Domes... I mean Knomes... I mean hood ornaments


So we may have used the motor for this...


Meet George, the autopilot.


George is oh so sexy.


Titanic.


:-)

Eat, Drink and Be Merry

Kristy mentioned earlier this week that she wanted to drink this weekend, so I arranged to have a Pre-Citizenship Party Party. It was totally awesome.

Stephen, John, Kristy, Alex and I went to the liquor store then picked up pizza for dinner and met Melissa and Will back here where we proceeded to eat, drink and be merry. It was about 730pm and we continued into the wee hours of the morning. Brian Huff came over and Justin stopped by for a little bit also. Melissa and Alex's friend David came over and Lucas also dropped by with some of his friends. It was good times. Even though John was in the bathroom sick for like forever.

I was just really happy to have a ton of people to hang out and have fun with. It was a great pre-party party thing. Look for awesome pictures soon...

The Future of the United States

I have had a lot of thoughts on my mind, so expect a lot of posts.

I started thinking yesterday about the youth of America and Kristy and I had a great conversation about it. We both babysit and have seen "the future" first hand. We watch kids who receive whatever they want whenever they want because their workaholic parents feel guilty for leaving them at daycare 10 hours a day.

Wait, this is a very scary picture. I think we can see the beginnings of this generation even in people our age, which is scary, because then how much worse does it get when they have children?

I know people who will take responsibility for none of their actions and blame others instead. I know those who are out of touch with reality. For example, one kid (a Techie), was complaining to me about Georgia Tech the other day. I guess hindsight is 20/20, because all in all I think I've enjoyed my experience here, and it was by no means easy or fun at times. I told him he needed perspective. For example, every citizen of the city of New Orleans has lost something, whether it is possesions or family members. There are those scattered throughout Alabama and Mississippi in the same circumstances. This kid lived his whole life in an affluent neighborhood in the richest country in the world and has the chance to do whatever he wants in life. I told him he could've been someone else born somewhere else, and I used women in Darfur as an example.

This out of touch with reality kid had the nerve to say "at least they don't have to go to college."
How shocking is that (I figure maybe he has no idea where Darfur is or that it's even a place, which is an issue I'll get to momentarily).

This same kid also said it was perfectly acceptable for the U.S. to mistreat prisoners "because they are terrorists and they deserve it and so if they have to give a blow job it's not nearly as bad as what they do to us."

What sort of upbringing leads those our age to have such un-informed opinions? Oh wait, I know... they're more interested in reality shows than reading. The news they do watch is full of coverage of the Michael Jackson trial or Britney Spear's pregnancy.

But more than that I feel there is a feeling of entitlement. Does someone who lives affluently in a country like this one inevitably become this way? Or is there a way to remain humble and appreciative of everything around you, to know that you have to work hard in life and that it will be a bumpy ride, and that the world does not center around them or the United States?

Don't get me wrong. These several people are, in my opinion, the exception here at Tech. I think most people we know understand that there is hard work involved in success. It's not longer about the brains, we know we're smart, you had to be to get here in the first place. Now it's about work and motivation, and I think the majority of our peers exhibit these qualities.

However, what if this out of touch population continues to grow?

The Mask

I have been in a situation several times. How long does it truly take to get to know a person?

It would probably take more than just the fingers on one hand to count the number of times that I have been truly impressed with a person and really enjoyed them and then they turn out to be someone completely different. I guess it takes a while for everyone to show their true colors, right? But, I feel like in particular these people have truly hidden who they are, whereas with others you just see deeper parts of their personalities as time goes on. In particular, with a very good friend, after quite some time it turned out they only wanted to take advantage of me. And were dense enough to continue to attempt that after knowing how I disliked them. And, more recently, thinking that someone is more mature or in a place where they are not. And then turning to name calling in a discussion... well, let me just say I'm not longer surprised at their situation.

People are just so surprising and interesting though. They often catch me off guard. Like when you are nothing but nice to someone, contribute a little something, offer something and they still resort to childish behavior. I must have really hit home, because I don't see temper tantrums like that except in the kids that I babysit for (all between the ages of 2 and 5). But, even more so than that, is the resistance to some honesty and a little challenge. I guess some have been so coddled and so used to getting what they want and having their hand held that a challenge doesn't go over well. I guess they will always live in their land of delusion, which sadly is an unhappy place.

BUT, most importantly, is that I have learned so much from all these people, and this is what life is all about, right? Perhaps the biggest lesson I learned today. Will had always tried to make the point about how name-calling and insults do not strengthen your argument, but just make you appear more and more childish. And make you seem non-educated.

The end.