The Learning Kind

I am not sure about everyone else, but I believe that college is not only a place to get a degree. I have a different idea of what the "college experience" should be (surprise, surprise.) I don't think that we should only learn from books. We should learn from each other, learn from situations and use these experiences to push the boundaries of ourselves in order to build character and self-esteem.

My question to you is: have you pushed yourself? Are you a better and stronger person than you were yesterday? Have you grown? Do those around you challenge you? If not, why not?

This this "senior" year I have learned more about myself than perhaps any other year before. I am so grateful to those around me because they continue to teach me invaluable lessons day by day. I think these lessons have helped build my character. I am "ok" with where I am today. I think it's very important to have strong self-esteem before heading out to the "real world" because as tough as things are now, they'll only get tougher. It's important that it's built on who you are and not what you do, because the day will come when we all fail at something. The question is: how will you handle it?

One of the things that I have been very challenged by this year is my "co-dependency." The definition is slightly misleading. Think of it as a "pleasing personality" - I like to make others happy, but often get walked all over during the process. I am a doormat, but this year I have been working on setting boundaries and respecting myself more. I believe that I have come a long way, although I know several people who would prefer it if I stayed the way I was. One example is the flying club. Boy, wouldn't they love it if I kept taking care of everything for everyone. But, I realize that this isn't helpful. I just feel over-run and the club doesn't really get a benefit, because I won't be around forever.

As a person with a pleasing personality, it is very difficult for me to have appropriate friendships. I have been reading a very helpful book (yep, I read self help books :-p) and it helps outline some qualities of a good friendship. According to this author, they are:

1. Confidentiality - what we say cannot be misconstrued or used against us
2. Purpose
3. Listening - it is important to be listened to
4. Without Judgement - being able to share fears without being criticized
5. A safe environment - a place to explore issues
6. Giving advice sparingly - offering advice is generally detrimental
7. Shared experience
8. Humor
9. Encouragement, not caretaking - ability to empathize but not become enmeshed
10. Challenging - they cannot tell us what to do or judge our actions but must find ways to measure challenges for us

I think these are great guidelines. How many people get this type of friendship from you? How many give you this type of friendship? I can think of maybe one person that I get it from, and maybe partly give to one also. Wouldn't it be great if all of our friendships were based on this? They would open up a whole new world.

I'm interested, are you?