Good Fortune?

"Delight in your good fortune. You're holding a great beer and you have wonderful friends."

This sums up my hiatus in Breckenridge. I almost didn't go thanks to stress, but I am so glad that I did. For some reason, I always feel great when I visit Lindsay, even despite the different circumstances this year. I got a solid day of skiing in and my boots even felt good enough that my leg strength was what held me back. We hung out, drank great beer, chatted, made new wonderful friends. I also decided to stick around for Breck beer fest, which was awesome. Sitting there, holding a beer, listening to music with the mountains around us, I felt like myself. For the first time in a long time.

I am glad I decided to escape, because good beer and wonderful friends is about all of the good fortune I've had lately. Starting with the weekend after the birthday, the following has occurred:

1) losing drivers license
2) fraud on debit card
3) messed up with boy
4) fight with friend
5) fight with car dealership
6) stolen cell phone and camera
8) fender bender with neighbor
9) sick cat

Not to mention my nose squeak and missing all my doctors appointments (thanks to fender bender.) 
So if things come in 3s, or multiples of, can I be done now? Thanks.

The Golden Parachute Lands Close To Home

Last week at weekly dinner Matt and I were talking (arguing) about executive compensation. I said they should do it like Delta does: if we don't make a profit (or, like this year, swing to a 1.6 billion dollar loss), we don't get a profit sharing check.

Whoops, I spoke too soon.

I'm all for getting everybody back to the pre-bankruptcy days, but shouldn't that include everybody? Like, the employees, maybe? And now is a good time to act like you're shafting the employees... except not so much, since the NWA union is handing out propaganda every day.

And sure, you can put their pay "at risk" by giving them stock options - that way they're invested in the success of the company, right?

Oh wait. Except they keep "donating" what they can't sell (tax break!) and the second they can sell, they do - like the day the stock hit 12 dollars and certain execs sold millions of dollars worth of stock.

Awesome.

So, Richard, where's my check/bonus/retention incentive? And is 2.5 million (based on today's stock price) about 3% of your salary? Cause that's the raise the rest of the employees get to look forward to.

He's Just Not That Into Me

Tonight I went to see He's Just Not Into You with a few of my favorite ladies. It's the topic at hand, I suppose. I have been craving some boy attention, even enough to try to generate it from sources that are clearly not interested. Hopefully that doesn't make me as pathetic as Gigi.

I remember seeing the preview to that movie. I was at a movie with Danny. I joked about him not being into me, about buying the book. If only I had...

...speaking of which, I've read another book by one of the authors, but not this one. I thought maybe I'd feel a little better about me, about not seeming to be able to compete for boys when I go out, but nope... all I could identify with was Gigi, and all that movie did was leave me feeling sappy and sad.

And, honestly, most of the time I'm liking the single life. I don't usually put myself first, and I think this time is good for me. But that's only most of the time, and not at this moment...

Witch Doctor

I go to this weird chiropractor every once in a while. He doesn't crack your bones so much as he works some sort of weird voodoo magic while barely touching you and fixes not only your physical pain but somehow aligns your chi or cleanses your aura or something along those lines.

For $50 it's not a bad deal.

I went today. I was long overdue. My back was hurting after Brazil. Then earlier this week my shoulder was out of place. He came up with 2 main things today... love and happiness. And he tells me to think about the equation and I don't know what happens but everything lets go. But I am always left wondering, how the heck does he know???

Anyway, now supposedly I'm aligned, at least physically if not emotionally, but it bummed me out a little, anyway.

I used to have it so together. What happened to me?

Or maybe I never had it together in the first place...

Fire Hose

I feel completely hosed lately. I just can't win.

I poured my heart and soul into someone just to have them turn around and dismiss me like I was nothing. And not only that, but in the most hurtful way possible.

I work my ass off at work. But most of my time is spent fixing the shit that one idiot causes. And not only that, but I get stuck working my ass off when the bastard who caused it disappears.

I've been trying to get back to my life but it's hard when I have to pull all nighters.

I really need a change. Or this needs to be the bottom.

Dreams and Things

I have been having the weirdest dreams. With random characters from past and present. I wonder how the mind works, to pull all of these people out of the depths of my memories and bring them back in dreams that are so real. I have been sleeping a lot so maybe that has to do with it.

I took a few weekends off traveling. To avoid travel burnout and to avoid the peak of travel season which has stranded many a friend in random places. Plus, my sinuses hurt.

I'm in the middle of a prolonged absence from the boy due to scheduling conflicts and a visit from his parents. It sucks.

I have an entire 5 day work week this week. It will be a challenge.

Back to Life

Wow, I can't believe it's been that much time since I updated. I'm just returning to my life today and I must admit I have a hard time accounting for all the time that has passed. One work week, then a weekend in Knoxville. Another work week, then a weekend chilling here in the Atl. Part of a work week, then back to LA for 5 days for the 4th.

I definitely have been missing my life a little, and missing my boy's role here in Atlanta. Sure, there's the novelty of the LA beaches and all the activities that come with it, not to mention really fun friends... but it's sad that I've spent more whole days in Danny's tiny LA apartment than my own new big one here.

This weekend I definitely have plans to stay here. Two weeks from now contain tentative plans to hit up Madrid, but I'm wishy-washy.... I wonder if the finances can support it. Not to mention, that'll make affording Rome and Mexico part 2 much harder.

At least I had one of the smoothest non-rev experiences of recent memory, being cleared on the flights I chose not at the last minute. Good stuff.

And here's to my first engineer's raise, a whole percent more than the average based on performance, and news that I'm "on track" for a promotion to senior engineer (and a 10% raise!) before the end of the year.

Couldn't come sooner... those 46k of students loans are just itching for my senior engineer salary....

Recap

Lots of things to recap.

I loved being Danny's squatter. Although I must say that I out did him - I cleaned, did laundry and washed dishes. In between episodes of Grey's, that is.

Mexico was awesome. The resort was beautiful, the tequila good, my boy wonderful, my spanish rusty, the sun sunny, the sunburn itchy. We were tempted to stay an extra day.

And the non-rev karma continues. First class both ways to PVR... then Monday stuck in LAX all day. Welcome summer.

Now I'm in my new place, needing to do my own laundry and cleaning. And not feeling very at home. Between a rock and hard place.

And missing my boy.

Go with the flow

Lately I've seen a lot of people settle into the life that we're all taught to want and have. Married out of college. Pregnant immediately after. No time to find yourself, enjoy life, see if your marriage will work, save cause kids cost an arm and a leg.

I am programmed to want this life as well, and I have to wonder how many people actually stop and think about things or whether they go through the motions of it all before they even realize what's happening. I understand more and more how people can turn around 5, 10, 20 years down the road and want out cause they only then realize or admit what they really want. The way things go with this society, I have to believe this is probably the norm.

My anonymous commenter on Wedding Season made some great points. To be honest? I'm still extremely pissed at Will. For many things. For never deserving or amounting to what I thought of him. For throwing away all that hard work in college, everying I did to pull him through undergrad and get him into grad school, by not getting a job in aviation. For throwing away his own dreams. For adopting someone else's life and beliefs without much questioning. I'm livid. Because I wasted so much time on someone who was so clearly clueless. In the end, he ended up being no different than all those flaky girls I struggled to distance myself from in high school and college.

I want more. More than a house, 2.5 kids and a dog in the suburbs. I want to see the world. I want to break through that ceiling at work and kick ass. I want to pay off my debts. I want extraordinary.

And then, after that, I'll settle for a few kids. But in the mountains somewhere, so I can teach them to ski when they're still in diapers

Picking Up the Pace

Yesterday I went to my first spinning class after a too long absence. At my new gym. While I didn't like the bikes, or the teacher, it felt like me. Getting up early and packing multiple bags because I wouldn't be home for forever.

Today I left work with another bag in tow, this time to go practice volleyball with my co-workers. Then I had to rush home to meet Danielle for dinner and ABC watching.

It feels like my old self. I've been living life in slow motion for nearly a year and now I'm starting to speed back up again.

I have to credit my boy. He has the lupus but has settled in to his adult life much better than me. He's riding his bike to work and going to the gym and playing volleyball and running 5ks. Me? I begged him to let me sleep.

But maybe I'll just pick up the pace little by little...

Whirlwind

There has been a lack of updating lately. Due to the pace of life and the fact that I can't seem to stay in Atlanta. Even when I slow down, I don't really slow down. Even when I'm in town, I'm not really in town.

Sometimes I just have the desire to stay here, hang with my friends, sit on my couch. Maybe I like to operate at 100 miles per hour because if I slow down, everything will catch up and hit me like a bus.

So in the mean time I'll keep going and ignoring. On the bright side, there is a lot of the world to see and many mountains to ski.

Let it Snow, Part 2

Saturday brought even more snow. I got to play with Alden and Kaya, which was definitely a wish list item that was fulfilled, but at the same time snow ball fights aren't quite as fun without my boy. I'm afraid that I'll become incredibly lame and start missing out on life when he moves simply because I want to share most experiences with him.

Some events have totally flipped around my travel plans and schedule for the next few months, and not necessarily in a bad way. I'm just sad I can't hop over to Japan sooner like I was hoping.

I've been hibernating due to the cold weather. Or the bad sinuses. Or the slump I'm in. Or the exhaustion for the past few weeks (how long can I use that one as an excuse?)

I should figure out which. Back to the tv.

Inertia

I've been dealing with a serious case of inertia. After all the craziness that was Christmas, New Years, and Danny's stay at the hospital, and too much to do at work, maybe it's just my body dying for some down time.

But then again, I wasn't exactly moving at the speed of light before all of those events. In fact, I haven't been my usual 150mph self in quite some time. And when I attempted to be everywhere in the past few weeks, I struggled. It's as if my body knows that pushing myself at those limits causes problems and damage that takes months of rest, medication and treatment to recover from.

Meanwhile, I don't feel like myself. I hated leaving the hospital early one night because I was simply exhausted. I hate looking forward to activity in the afternoon then coming home exhausted and plopping down on the couch with some Gilmore girls for the evening.

Maybe this is my new self. It's hard to become accustomed to, especially since I feel so lazy. And since I've haven't participated or done tons of the things that I usually enjoy and that sustain me.

Maybe things will change when the stress of the unknown dies down and I settle into my new altered life.

Busy-ness

I guess it's the holiday season... and that means the craziness has set in. Well, actually it's been crazy for awhile, but it's about to get busier.

This weekend: Danny's interviewing in Cali while I'm having a girly weekend with some of my favorite gals at the Biltmore House in Asheville

Next week: Back to the motherland on Thursday to meet some peeps and retrieve the grandmother for Thanksgiving while Danny interviews with Orbital

Nov 24: GT-UGA!
Nov 30: Luciana's art show in Savannah
Dec 1: Thanksgiving part 2 with the TN people
Dec 2: The 1 year anniversary of me and the D Brady (can you believe it???)
Dec 7: Hopping party at the Atlanta Hilton thrown by a customer
Dec 14: Graduation #2
Dec 15-17: Graduation Trip?
Dec 26?/New Years: Probably to New York to see Kristy, ski and party!
January: The Land of the rising sun (mark your calendar, Wendy!) and back to Hartford to visit Sarah for her bday

In between there I have to work, find a dress for the party, acquire some ski boots and try not to let my apartment become even messier than it already is.

Here's to feeling like myself.

Rollercoaster

September 27

Down: No ge90 pic
Further: asshole tendencies
Up: Ge90 pic!
Down: bigger asshole tendencies
Up: hearing from Mrs Sanders
Up: chilling with the girls, open bar at the Reds game
Down: boy, lack of commitment

I am not one of those people who likes drama.

Weekend

Friday: Partying in Dalton, a night of several firsts (but I missed my party buddy)
Saturday: Pirates and dinner with some of my oldest, best friends
Sunday: Cookout, Indy and Nascar watching, tennis and pool time
Monday: Ultimate, cookout, beach volleyball, waterslide time

At this point last year I wouldn't have been able to play as well (not that I played well anyway) because I wasn't in good shape. However, I did struggle with endurance. I suppose being a sloth for the past few weeks and having lower energy than usual didn't help.

These are the kind of weekends I live for. And yet, it was still bittersweet. Not everyone who should've been there was there, and their absence was noticed by many.

Fingers Crossed

I interviewed at Delta yesterday for a fuel systems engineer position. I hope I get it. Everyone there seems very enthusiastic and happy with their jobs, despite it being a semi-high stress environment.

My theory is playing with airplanes every day makes people happy.

Benadryl

I had a dream. In this dream, I dreamt that our old, awesome kitty Cougar had died. When I woke up in my dream, my sister told me he was still alive. Then when I woke up for real, he was still alive.

When I told my parents this story, my dad asked if I am on something. Yes, actually. This is a direct result of the grass pollen and the fact that I am practically made of benadryl now.

Done.

My semester is over. I can't say that it ended well (my gpa will probably plummet), but I also can't say that I tried really hard. And this semester was rough on me and my motivation just wasn't there. So I'm just glad it's over. All that stands between me and my masters degree now is my special topics report and presentation.

Now hopefully I'll have time to catch up. Pay my bills. Upload the hundreds of pictures I've taken at all the cool things I've been doing. And, to write about them. There was Al Gore's speech, the Tour of Georgia, and Talladega this past weekend.

Today marked the beginning of Summer of Speed Part 2. It began better than Part 1 ended in the sense that I went on a group ride that I couldn't finish last summer and completed it. The bad news is I wouldn't have been able to without the help of others to pull me back up there. And that I thought I was going to pass out from riding at a heart rate of 190-195 for so long (my max is 198). It was discouraging because it is a "recovery" ride, but it is faster than any race I've participated in. We'll see how it goes next week.

Now it's time to go wash everything I took to Talladega and rehydrate.

My Happiness Project

I have a new favorite website. Some of those articles sound like they could have been written by me. Anyway, after months of being down because of work and life in general, I feel like I'm finally starting to turn the page to a new chapter. Hopefully with the tips from that awesome site, not to mention other sources of help, I'll be able to make things stick.

Here's to my own happiness project.