My Life

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.7
Mind:	6.7
Body:	7.7
Spirit:	6.4
Friends/Family:	6.1
Love:	7.7
Finance:	7.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

One of my favorite things...

Taking a nap with my kitty curled up with me next to the fire.

Other favorite things (to be expanded on in the near future when the craziness dies down):
1) partying with melissa, alex, kristy, stephen, etc
2) when tech wins!
3) many others...

Random Thoughts

Many thoughts have been crossing my mind this week. I think I have reached my usual mid/late semester funk, where I am completely burnt out and uninspired. This time I have to keep pushing, although thankfully for not that much longer. Doesn't help that it's the time that I should get another sinus infection, although this time it seems to be going straight to my lungs...

The number of pet peeves that I have with the current government grows by leaps and bounds each year (or, more recently, each week). I suppose I should save my thoughts for a specific political entry, but the things that have disgusted and frustrated me recently are the torture thing, attempting to dodge questions, condemning people who disagree with you and many many others. The Daily Show this coming up Monday should be good, I wonder what they'll say about O'Reilly and Pat Robertson's comments.

I generally dislike the direction that this country is headed... the one where the rich are only concerned with staying rich, becoming richer and getting their friends in higher places; where people are more concerned with what they are wearing than the lives of others (great example you set, Brownie); where those who preach religion live the lives they condemn; and finally the in general feeling that many are out of touch, won't think for themselves and aren't slightly concerned about the politics of this nation or where it's headed. I believe that it is a citizen's responsibility to keep its government accountable. You can't do it if you don't know who the president is.

I love talking with my roomies, especially Melissa. Never have I met a girl on the same brain wave as me :-) You and I should move to Europe!

I've decided that I am not as mature as I would like to think I am. In fact, I'm kind of evil :-p I guess it's human nature though... I know many people who don't know who they are and don't understand that they control their own happiness and the power to change their circumstance lies solely within themselves. As I interact more and more, I realize how much I have grown in the past few years, especially in the knowing who I am and what I want department.

I'm extremely blessed to know and have Will in my life. :-)

I love the ASDL. Doc says I should be receiving my acceptance any day (they sent over the ASDL secretary to bully the AE secretaries and Dr. Jagoda into getting a move on accepting me). I love that the ASDL has the perspective it has about education, what kind of student is valuable, and the fact that it basically funds the whole AE department (eat that Dewey Hodges). I sit in my class and I realize that that's where I should be to learn what I need to learn in order to go where I want to go.

I'm extremely excited about graduating, specifically the part where my brother throws me a huge party at his awesome apartment. It will be a night to remember... or forget. :-)

Ok, I admit it!

I'm immature. I WANT to stoop! And be just like them. The thoughts always pop into my mind.

Can't I get bonus points just for being able to keep myself from doing that kinda stuff? Doesn't that separate me from them?

I hope so.

TGIF and Halloween 2005

Thank God this week is over! I try not to wish my time away, but I am glad to have a few minutes to just sit and breathe. The week still unded up being crazy , although things were shuffled around a little.

Thursday we had our Primer review with Doc. My group volunteered me to be one of the presenters, which added to the stress. Normally I don't sweat presentations (I used to when I first had to start giving them in Spanish but now that I am accustomed to it, the ones in English are no big deal), but Doc is extremely intimidating, especially since I still feel like I am validating myself. The presentation went well, and we didn't really get "nailed" as Doc likes to do, so I think we feel that it went well, although we could have added more detail to the content.

At least I had a blast last weekend before the stressful week. Friday night I babysat for awhile, then headed back here for our Circle of Death rematch. We actually made it to midnight this time! It was lots of fun (hey Melissa... any fun pictures to illustrate?)

Saturday my Mom brought Becky, Alden and Kaya down here to go to all the fun stuff before the game. It was so cute, they were so excited to be in "Buzz land" and to actually meet Buzz. Then instead of going to the game I went out with Alex. We battled Altantic Station to go to Old Navy, then I decided I wanted to go the the Halloween party so we went looking for costumes. Alex went as Britney, Will as some Crunk sort of person, and me as a Cat. Not really original, I know, but I had like 1 hour to shop. Then Will and I went out to dinner and the ballet and when we got back headed to party at Delta Chi with Melissa and Stephen. It was awesome (as all events with Melissa and Stephen and their friends are) and we stayed out pretty late.


Will, me and Alex

My Other Life

Saturday morning I returned to an email from Dr. Hodges post-poning the Aeroelasticity test until Friday, which means I can sorta breathe about this week now... and write in my blog!

Will agreed to go with me to see the Atlanta Ballet's production of Carmina Burana, which is one of my favorite ballets ever. We went last night (tickets were about as cheap as going to a movie!)
For those who don't know, from a very young age up until around the time I was 13 I was set on being a ballerina. That was my dream, my everything that I lived for. It started in Florida with a tap class. We moved to Georgia and I spent 1 year taking classes at a small dance studio in Dunwoody, after which a teacher sent me to try out for the Atlanta Ballet's Pre-Professional program. I made it and my ballet-filled life began. I trained hard, year round, all the time. Every afternoon my mom drove me downtown for class. I would get home late, eat, do some homework, go to bed, rinse repeat. I had no summers off. Instead of being a school during the summer, I went to ballet school. Dancing almost straight from 8-4pm, go home to soak my feet, get up the next day, rinse, repeat.

I adored it. There's just something about having complete command of your body, of pushing it to the limits, of expressing a million things through movement.

Carmina Burana was not the first performance I had been to since I stopped, but seeing my favorite made me yearn for my life (why... it was harder than this life I lead at Tech?) What hit me the most was seeing this guy... my 10 year old crush, a boy in my level at the program, he is now a soloist with the company. I couldn't help but think... if I hadn't stopped, could I have made it?

Two severe blows are what led to me stopping ballet. The first was not being graduated to the next level. The program had 4 levels. My plan was to spend 1 year in levels 1 and 2, then 2 years in level 3 and who cares how many in level 4. At the end of each summer there were evaluations. I was being evaluated at the end of my 1st year in level 2, I had an awful day. I was nervous, nothing would go where I told it to. I didn't get promoted.

Right around that time the company experienced a big change. Robert Barnett, the director for so, so many years retired... taking with him the rights to all the classical ballets (including The Nutcracker) that I hold so dear. The new director, John McFall, brought his own versions of everything. I was disappointed to not be doing Balanchine's Nutcracker because I knew (as a 2 year veteran of the production) that I would be up for a good part (quite possibly the part of Mary). They held auditions for the 'new' Nutcracker. This director didn't like my dancing, I was cut in the first round.

Not liking the direction that the company was heading in, I auditioned at many other places around Atlanta. Rotaru, several others. All placed me at almost the highest levels within their training programs. I knew I would outgrow those places in just several years; they weren't developed or challenging enough in my opinion.

It was dark that night, in the car on the way home. My Mom was asking me about what I wanted to do. I didn't want to join any of those other programs, they weren't good enough. But I didn't want to return to the Atlanta Ballet. Just like that, my dream was over. All the years of work, all the time, the thousands my parents paid for my training... all gone.

It was a quick moment, I remember my heart stopping when I said it. It made me incredibly sad. As I though more I decided it was a good decision. I, at the time, thought I probably had no chance of having a real career in dance (so few do) and I was lacking that natural talent. I could spend my time on school work, get good grades, make some friends, try something else.

So my next life began. I struggled with weight. Not having to watch what I ate anymore and lacking 4 hours of exercise a day will make you blow up like a balloon. I played on a soccer team. I tested into the accelerated track at my school. I did teenager things on Friday nights, I didn't go see the new production of the Nutcracker. Middle school turned to high school, high school turned to college and all of a sudden I'm graduating as an aerospace engineer from Georgia Tech... who would've known the little girl who had to have ballerinas all over everything would end up in something so removed from ballet.

As I watched my first crush dance, I wondered. His face and hair are exactly the same. He wasn't blessed with natural talent either, although he was better than others at the school. Today he is turning into a great dancer. Big jumps, fast turns, high lifts... they certainly did groom him well. I wonder, could they have done that for me? Would I be there, him lifting me, if it hadn't been for that late night so many years ago? If I had decided to stick with it, realized (as I do now) that spending two years in level 2 was perfectly normal...

... but then I wouldn't have my life that I have now. Time to spend with my family, Friday nights with an amazing man, great roomies, football games, a chance to participate in important studies that lead to legislation and decide how millions of dollars are spent...

I try not to regret my choices because every experience you have makes you the person you are today. I like who I am today, so changing any one moment would change me... who knows if for the better or worse. And I certainly don't regret my life now. I just wonder, could that have been me up there last night...

I think in the spring I will take a ballet class.

Checking out for awhile

Today the anxiety about next week sets in, so I'll be busy until next thursday at 6pm.

How come when it rains, it pours?

Our Primer for Graduate design is due thursday... we have no idea what to do with our open-ended project.
Probably a millions CatS2 (the name of our project) meetings...
I have a spanish presentation on tuesday
Fluids lab report due Wednesday
Aeroelasticity test on Wednesday
Two long spanish readings due Thursday

And of course work is crazy. There is a workshop next week plus the manhattan project plus a billion other things so Michelle had me running around doing random stuff today. Oh well, I guess that's what I get for wanting to be "essential." I bet the beginning of the week before the workshop will be nuts so I'm not going to even go in on Monday cause I only work 2 hours and I'm sure one of my many assignments would appreciate that time instead...

Thank God there is not structures 2 hw due this Wednesday. So basically I will be working non-stop til then... except with a little fun in between (like at our circle of death rematch tonight);-)

Random Thoughts

I think it would be better if for this semester the weekends would fall on Thursday and Friday... simply because I'm busiest up til Wednesday then it slows down. And usually too burned out to get much accomplished Thursday and Friday (although I try!)

Yesterday my mom brought my little cousins down here to see the "Buzz Store" (book store). I definitely have brainwashed those kids. They ran around excited singing their interpretations of the "Buzz song" It was too cute! I live for the time I spend with those kids...

This morning I overslept and missed spinning for the first time in a few weeks. I'm mad at myself, although I didn't do it on purpose. I think I may be coming down with something...

Dr. Jagoda sucks because I'm fairly certain he hasn't even looked at my application (much less given it to Doc) and I already had to tell them that I wanted to extend my housing contract. What is the problem! I busted my ass to get that thing turned in by the end of August and he hasn't so much as looked at it months later. If you're too busy to be the graduate admissions person, here's a thought: don't be the graduate admissions person! I hope it all works out...

Yesterday Dr. Doug Stanley, who is a Tech research engineer but works at the NIA, presented the ESAS (aka what I poured my life into this summer). He was the head of the study, which makes me wonder why we never heard from him before today. You'd think he would've been a little more involved...

He didn't have anything to spectacular to present. In fact, what he focused on, which is the architecture they decided on, we knew about in May. I was a little astonished that he would stand up there and lie about stuff in front of a ton of people... but then again, I guess I shouldn't be surprised at that. Dr. Kirby told us we weren't allowed to say anything or ask questions (cause we are all bitter and pissed) but a guy from the SSDL asked my question. Knowing that they had thrown all the decision-making techniques and capabilities we provided them out the window, I wanted to ask how they reached the decisions they made. Dr. Stanley said "we did trade studies and used matrices" by which I assume he meant someone other than him pulled something out of their ass and now the government will spend millions of dollars creating this stuff that isn't optimized while pertinent scientific research gets cut.

Yeah, Doug Stanely, your study was a real success.

Among all this I have learned something very important. None of my friends and co-workers will be truly successful in the AE industry, at least not the space side. Why? We aren't nearly ugly enough. What is it with those who work at headquarters having pony tails?

He ended his presentation by saying that many of us will get to work on ESAS in the future... to which I say I already did and I'm not exactly jumping at the chance to do it again.

In other work news the other thing that I've been working on is now turning into "The Manhattan Project" as Michelle calls it. During a meeting today she identified me as one of her 3 key people, and that made me glad. I like working hard and getting more responsibility.

Monday in Fluids lab Dr. Seitzman was quizzing everyone (as he does, since he loves the Socratic method). We were going down the rows talking about a turbine (something you should, at the bare minimum, be able to do after having jet pro). He reaches one Amanda Lowry and instead of venturing a guess she says "I just want to be a housewife." Crazy. While I think being a housewife is a difficult and respectable job, if that is all I wanted to do I certainly wouldn't be an AE major. And even if I really wanted to be an AE or engineering major, I'd put some time into it and learn stuff so that I could apply it elsewhere and not completely waste my time. In my opinion there are still valuable things to learn regardless if you care about how a turbine engine works or not.

So, while I'm on my soapbox...

if you don't like a situation, change it. Or, give changing it your best try. I think that is one of the things that separates children and adults. Children are helpless and can only become upset and whine about stuff. Adults have the power to understand the situation and alter it.

The end.

Fall Break 2005

It had been some time since Will and I had gone somewhere alone (Spring Break 2004, to be exact) and some time since we'd spent a good amount of quality time together. Fall Break was a perfect opportunity, so last week we booked a great hotel in Chattanooga with a package to visit the Tennessee Aquarium together. It was somewhere neither of us had ever been so we were really excited.

The weekend started with the (somewhat) annual party at my old work. Except this time I got to take Will with me, which was great. It was nice to catch up with everyone, especially my favorite Heather. Except I learned that you should never eat only tiramisu for dinner then drink two margaritas with a beer in between. Bad news. I wasn't really drunk, but my stomach wasn't happy.

We left early Saturday morning and got to Chattanooga around 1030am (after a really yummy breakfast at Cracker Barrel... the first time I had eaten at one.) We checked into the hotel (which was so fancy we 'checked' our bags til the afternoon) and headed on the electric shuttle down to the Aquarium. Turns out the tickets that came with the hotel package were "VIP" so we got to skip the long line and go straight in. The aquarium was really neat and the area of Chattanooga along the Tennessee River is beautiful. We headed back to the hotel in the afternoon, and after a nap we headed to a famous barbeque place where we had a great meal. We then headed back to the hotel, watched some movies and looked forward to a morning without an alarm...

...except that the hotel fire alarm went of at 915am. For a minute I thought I was back in my bed and the alarm was going off for 630am spinning. We headed outside where Will stood on the cold grass barefoot until the fire department came (yep, it was an actual fire). After they let everyone back in we headed to breakfast (also included in the deal) at the hotel's 4 star restaurant. It was possibly the best breakfast I've ever had.

We then checked out and headed to Lookout Mountain to ride the Incline Railway. I was pleasantly surprised by everything at the top of the mountain, including the Military Park that we spent a good amount of time in. After spending some time there and taking a quick drive to see Rock City we headed back home. We finished off the weekend by seeing Elizabethtown with Alex and Kristy.

It was a great trip and we promised each other to make taking a trip together someplace new a priority every year.

And now for pictures...

The Tennesse Aquarium

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Originally uploaded by aepilota.

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Originally uploaded by aepilota.

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Will with the Tennesse Aquarium in the background

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Originally uploaded by aepilota.

The Incline Railway (goes 1 mile, 72% grade at times)

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A view down the Incline Railway

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Originally uploaded by aepilota.

The entrance to the Military Park on top of Lookout Mountain

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Originally uploaded by aepilota.

My cutie on top of Lookout Mountain

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Originally uploaded by aepilota.

Us with the Tennesse River Valley and Chattanooga in the background

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New York Civil War Memorial

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Originally uploaded by aepilota.

I think if there were AE jobs in Chattanooga I would move there... there are bike paths everywhere!

I knew that already.

Pure Nerd
73 % Nerd, 21% Geek, 13% Dork
For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd.

The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful.

Congratulations!

Melissa would be proud!

You are a Social Liberal (70% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (20% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Next try:

You are a Social Liberal (68% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (21% permissive) You are best described as a: Strong Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

My Pet Peeves...

Hey Melissa, can you add this one to the list?

Boys (anyone) who complain about not being able to meet people... but they never go out. How exactly are you supposed to meet someone if you sit in your room all the time? Expect to run into the girl of your dreams wandering the halls? The internet? Yeah, right.

Oh, and if you do ever run into a girl... don't be surprised if she's umimpressed by you. There are a lot of smart, well-rounded, outgoing people here... how exactly does someone whose life consists of their dorm room expect to hold a conversation with a girl? I don't forsee her wanting to talk about video games/star trek/comic books/*insert Technie hobbie* here...

I know some great girls. It's a shame there aren't great guys to introduce them to!

For the Ignorant (That means you, John Loesel)

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/06/politics/06cnd-detain.html

"Defying the White House, the Senate overwhelmingly agreed Wednesday to regulate the detention, interrogation and treatment of prisoners held by the American military."

"More than two dozen retired senior military officers, including Colin L. Powell and John M. Shalikashvili, two former chairmen of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, endorsed the amendment, which would ban use of "cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment" against anyone in United States government custody.It would also require all American troops to use only interrogation techniques authorized in a new Army field manual. It would not cover techniques used by the Central Intelligence Agency."

"Mr. McCain, who was a prisoner of war in the Vietnam War, added in closing Wednesday night: 'Many of my comrades were subjected to very cruel, very inhumane and degrading treatment, a few of them even unto death. But every one of us - every single one of us - knew and took great strength from the belief that we were different from our enemies.'"

That's right, that is what separates the good from the bad. It is about time they pass something like this. This is the United States, a country who should respect human rights.

To those who feel it is acceptable to mistreat other human beings: I think you should re-think your morals and values, because you are lacking some.

To the Football Team

Dear Yellow Jacket Football Team,

I have been a loyal fan since before I was a student. I have stayed up late and put off homework to cheer for you. I've rooted for you when you were behind, I've never been a fairweather fan...

... but now I am considering it. Last game you had an excuse, you were missing your center. There was no excuse this time. They didn't win because they were better, they won because of stupid mistakes and bad decisions. Two awful kicks and one horrible decision cost the game. You play in the ACC now, it is time to leave the mistakes and bad decisions behind.

Do you know how heartwrenching it is to be a fan? It is a rollercoaster. I no longer wonder at those who stay away or leave at half time. I thought it was disrespectful, but now I know they were saving themselves the disappointment.

I know that it is all mental and that you depend on the support of your fans, but now I am weary. I have supported you through thick and thin, and you have yet to show me the results. We cheered for you tonight until we couldn't speak anymore, and you let us down in the last 30 seconds.

I sincerly hope you can pull yourselves out of this rut. I am skeptical, you haven't been able to do this before. I hope this will still be a winning season...

You are all talented (except for the kicker). Over the years that I have been here I have seen you mature, especially Reggie. Now I want to see the results. I want to see you be strong, pick yourselves up, and play like I know that you can.

Your (frustrated) fan
Livia

P.S. I wouldn't mind a great coach who could rally you guys to win. Cause Chan Gailey isn't hacking it.

Fluids Frustration

Fluids lab is SO frustrating! Not the actual course or the material... I actually enjoy the subject, I think the labs are cool and the reports aren't as bad as I thought.

HOWEVER, my group sucks. Claire is in it, which is good. So is this kid from LCC this summer, who has actually turned out to be great in the lab (although he does have slacker tendencies). And that's the end of the useful/smart/cool people in the group. There are two guys that I know from work. Both waste time with stupid questions (things they would've known had they bothered to read the manual). One is never on time and has no clue what's going on. The other has no clue and likes to slow everyone down. The other is a jackass and on top of that he always messes up whatever he is doing.

It's irritating to know that people like that get by and will end up with the same degree as me. It's also not great that someday they will be out in the working world representing not only Georgia Tech but the program that I received my degree from. I find that personally insulting.

Thankfully we write reports individually. And, it's only once a week and 1.5 hours (usually). And almost halfway over!

The Molding of Young Minds

The Fall of my Sophomore year was an interesting time. Not only was it my most stressful semester to date, I also felt a little lost. I wanted an internship, a research position or something to distinguish myself. Trouble is, I wasn't a citizen yet and it wasn't a great time for the aerospace industry.

Then I received an email about this scholarship from Boeing. I wasn't going to apply but they emphasized wanting minorties and women, so I thought why not.

This scholarship was given out by the Boeing chair of the AE school, Dr. Dimitri Mavris. "Doc," as everyone who works with him calls him, also happens to be the head of the Aerospace Systems Design Lab. He spoke of wanting us to become involved, of wanting to inspire us to attend grad school. I thought, sign me up!

It was difficult to become involved in research there. I found out recently that they didn't really believe in the power of undergraduates at the time, and the first ones were just making their way through (those include Elise and Scott). In the Summer of 2004 I finally got involved (sorta) with the ASDL by doing some work with Hernando, a guy I had met my freshman year who now is a grad student. By the end of that summer I was extremely frustrated. I wanted more.

I spoke with Doc and he handed me over to Dr. Michelle Kirby. She intimidated me. But soon I became part of her team and was attending meetings and trying to learn as much about TIES and TMAT (her two processes) as I could. The learning curve was steep and at times I felt completely useless. Since I was inexperienced with coding and probabilistics, in January Michelle put me to work on the NIA Congressional Study. Then came the ONR calculator, where I was really able to show my stuff. Then came this summer, where I worked more hours and harder than I had before and became an integral part of my team. She was intimidating, but through the intimidation I found that I am very much like her in some respects and different in others. But mostly I just learned that she wants kids to become involved and to grow, and that's what I was doing.

At the end of this summer she sat us (me, Elise, Sara, Paul) down and told us she would begin moving us away from doing "grunt" work and starting to teach us to become researchers. I was excited, this was what I had ultimately been aiming for.

I got a clear picture of what all of this work and grooming has been leading up to this Thursday. We have been working on developing a new process, and Michelle has been trying to push me, Elise and Sara into doing more of the thinking and development. We had a brainstorming meeting this past Thursday and for the first time I got to contribute thoughts and ideas. I convinced to myself the importance of a Master's degree. They don't teach innovation in undergrad.

It was so exciting to be a part of that integral team that is forming this new (and what I think to be extremely important) process for NASA, ONR and industry in general. Thursday after a 3 day workshop to learn new software, we were standing around talking to the guy from the company that came to visit. She was telling him the history of the ASDL, why undergraduates are important, and her little "army." He asked about the value of a degree from another place and I told him I had done some research and hadn't found anywhere quite like the ASDL. She turned to me and said "Forget it, you're not going anywhere."

I am already taking a graduate class. They will be moving me into a desk as soon as someone moves out.

I have come to love the ASDL and the ASDL family. Will and I have become one of the ASDL "couples," even though we were "external" originally. But mostly, as I see now more and more what a graduate education here will be like, I know it's the right place for me. Doc, the father figure to all of us, spends more time in class talking about becoming leaders and being leaders with character and integrity than on the equations or theory. Our education as engineers is complete, he says. Now we will become leaders, innovators, and complete people. It's nice to finally be somwhere where they acknowledge that on paper a person may look good but ultimately it is their character that will decide where they go.

Applied Design is not like senior design where we will all have the same answer. Our RFP is so broad we could take it wherever we want to, and that is liberating. I know that I will be at the forefront of the industry and innovation someday, and that's just cool.

It is weird to think that in December I will be an "engineer" and in January I will (continue) work on my master's degree. That makes me feel so old...

:-)

I am not an angry girl.

I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distress
and I don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
wouldn't you prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere?

I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling

and I am sorry
but I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

and generally, my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally I agree with them
trouble is you gotta have youself an alternate plan
and I have earned my disillusionment
I have been working all of my life
and I am a patriot
I have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are no damsels in distress
what if I knew that and I called your bluff?
don't you think every kitten figures out how to get down?
whether or not you ever show up

I am not a pretty girl
I don't really want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl.
~ Not a Pretty Girl, Ani DiFranco

2 Good Weekends and Some Craziness In Between

So... I've been really really busy. Last weekend we went to Six Flags on Friday, which was awesome. I went with Elise, John, Brian and of course Will (one of our very first dates/outings was to Six Flags so its tradition to go and this was the 3rd time!) We rode the Scorcher then ran into Katina and her husband Ari, which also seems to be a tradition. So our new bigger group then went on Deja Vu, did the wheelie, bumper cars, Superman and Batman twice. Good times! I always love catching up with Katina and I can't believe she's married now! But now she's my Monday lunch buddy!

Saturday consisted of a bike ride, going to the game and then to Wreck the Deck at Delta Chi. Good times... better described in pictures than in words. Oh, except for the asinine guys behind us at the game that kept yelling "you suck" every 2 seconds to the UNC band. Then when they got bored of that they turned to Spanish insults. Classy, right?

Sunday I of course spent the whole day at home, as usual.

This past week was pretty hectic through Wednesday (aero homework due, structures hw due, fluids lab report due... all on the same day). Tuesday I went and got my hair cut at the Aveda Institute, which went well except for that it took forever. I caught a bug or something so I was kinda sick Wednesday and Thursday. Then Wednesday during lab I received a text from Will saying to call my Mom and I was immediately worried. She had a mammogram done the week before and it turns out they found lumps in both of her breasts. One was a cyst filled with water, which they drained this past Friday, and the other is a tumor which they did a biopsy on and we will find out the results either tomorrow or Tuesday. Needless to say I'm really worried about her, but I guess I've always thought she'd end up with some type of cancer (liftime smoker). But, one step at a time and for now I'm just trying to focus on other stuff and not be so worried.

This past Friday Will and I finally made it to the Botanical Gardens, which we had been trying to do since May. It was reallly awesome, up until it started raining (figures). I took many great pictures (check out flickr). Then we went out to dinner and caught up with Alex and Melissa and their swim club people and headed to Ramblin Nights. Yesterday I was extremely unproductive all day then went to the game and today spent the day taking care of Kaya and Alden since I couldn't lift anything.

Since pictures can probably capture the fun better, here goes:

Me and Will at the UNC game


Brian and Alex at the UNC game


Yay for cool roomies!


Me and Will at Wreck the Deck


Melissa and Stephen at Wreck the Deck


We like to party :-)


Kaya and Alden going for a spin in the convertible


Botanical Gardens


A view of a really cool exhibit at the Gardens called "Locomotion in the Garden"


Flowers... and Will :-)


Alex, Brian and Will about to go off the 5 meter board (they are braver than I am)


There he goes!


Will, Me, Kristy at the game


Yay for a new picture with Buzz!


Alden in his fort


Kaya loves my Mom... and "tickers"


Kaya talking to "Lulu"


And now for another crazy week...

What goes around comes around

It's called Karma. It's a bitch, isn't it?

Ha.

Colors

Can you feel it crush you
Does it seem to bring the worst in you out
There's no running away from
These things that hold you down

Do they complicate you
Because they make you feel like this
Of all the colors that you shine
This is surely not your best

But you should know these
Colors that your shinin'

Are surely not the best
Colors that you shine

Surely not the best
Colors that you shine

I know you feel alone, yea
No one else can figure you out
But don't you ever turn away from
The ones that help you down

They love to save you
Don't you know they would love to see you smile
But these colors that you shine
Are surely not your style

But you should know these
Colors that your shinin'
Are surely not your best.
~Crossfade, Colors

Cowardly Behavior

Melissa has been the unlucky recipient of some hateful anonymous blog comments. This has happened to me before, also. Another similar situation is people making hateful comments behind my back, which I experienced not only last spring but also last week.

I became extremely irritated when I read what was written on her blog. It appears that the individual who wrote those comments did not bother to read what she had written, or more likely is too ignorant to understand words like hegemony. But, on top of that, this person didn't have the balls to sign their name with their comment. Now, I know some people who say pretty infuriating things a lot of the time, but at least they have the courage to stand up for what they say.

But, as I continued to think about the situation, as well as the ones prior to this one, I began to pity these people. A person who feels the need to leave hateful anonymous messages to someone in order to make themselves feel better is not a good person. I mean really, how sad is that? In fact, I think they make a pretty pathetic excuse of a person. If you're going to be that childish, at least own up to it.

Last spring I had a girl lie outright to my face about comments she had been making. I also had someone make a not nice comment on my own blog and not live up to it. Come on, people, grow some balls!

If we can't take credit for what we're saying, then perhaps we should not be saying those things at all.

I admire Melissa (and others) for always attaching their name to their statements, no matter what fallout may come after.

Sex and the City

I have started watching Sex and the City, sometimes the roomies do, too. We started talking about who was most like which character (I'm sure there is some quiz online that I could take). Kristy is obviously most like Charlotte, and Alex like Carrie. Then we got to me, and Will automatically said Miranda. That surprised me a little bit, since I am a romatic and very traditional.

However, the other day as I was walking back from class lost in my thoughts, I realized that I do think like Miranda (in a lot of ways). I believe in hard work, I believe that you should earn everything, I believe in being independent. I don't believe in entitlement. All that "No child left behind stuff?" I say leave them. Otherwise you will teach them that they can get by without a lot of work. I believe that there should be weed out courses and those who are "weeded out" should pursue something else. Life is not about being the smartest, it's about being the hardest worker, the most motivated and committed. It's about being resilient.

I somehow learned along the way that there should be hard work involved in everything. That being successful takes a lot of time and determination (somehow my siblings didn't get this message :-p) I've met many people who believe that they are entitled or use excuses to get ahead in the world and not work hard. I think it is people like this who will lead America to no longer be the world leader in many things.

It's not entirely their fault, of course. Many of us are raised by parents who grew up without anything or didn't spend much time with their kids and want to give them everything. I believe it's a form of enabling.

I have the perfect example to illustrate my opinion. I have a co-worked (I knew her from before, that is the next example). She is also AE. A day this summer illustrated exactly what I mean. Since May we had been told that we were expected to keep a certain weekend open as we would need to work (thanks, NASA). She booked a trip for that weekend. She returned the Monday after our work filled weekend and immediately started complaining about having to stay late that night because she had a lot of homework. Then, later on in the summer, she was upset because I got more recognition than her. She and I worked on a project in the spring also were something similar happened. A deadline was coming up and she kept bailing on the workload because of schoolwork.

A few of my points: I understand the schoolwork thing also, as I also take the same classes. I try to get a lot of work done so that my work time can be devoted to just that: working. I think if you book a trip the weekend before you have a ton of work to do, you need to get the work out of the way. Or, not complain when it's not done. And I think if you're not committed, then you shouldn't be surprised when you don't get responsibility, leadership, and recognition. She expects to have seniority over me because she has been with the lab longer, but she doesn't realize that seniority doesn't come from the time you spend there but rather what you do with it.

Strangely enough, I also got a negative impresison of her when we first me. It was the Summer semester of 2003. She was in the class that Will and I met in, Dynamics. 29 of us were in that class, 23 failed. I knew the situation wasn't right, and that not all 23 of us could be dumb slackers (like Loewy wanted us to think) so I organized meetings and petitioned to have our grades changed. She told me that she was absolutely uninterested in working to have her grade changed. However, when the news went out that the petition had been approved, she was the first to sign up.

Unfortunately life can be unfair sometimes and the not hard workers can still get by, or your hard work will go unnoticed. Either way, I think it's important to take initiative and be a motivated person.

I guess I am just bothered recently by those who want everything but don't want to work for it and get upset when they don't get it. Or, those who complain about their situation but have put themselves there and do nothing about it.

Speaking of busy weekends and too much work, this weekend should be awesome. Six Flags, cycling, tailgating, football, partying, little cousins and perhaps a little homework in between. I hope it's worth it when I'm stressed next Tuesday night...

... I know it will be ;-)

If you can watch Oprah and not cry...

...then you must have a heart of stone. I just happened to be here this afternon while Oprah was on and she is in Texas covering the aftermath of hurricane katrina. Although I had been affected by the coverage on the news and by talking to friends affected, nothing affected me like Oprah's coverage did. She of course went beyond what CNN (if I have to watch TV news it definitely will not be Fox) covered and spoke to people. The stories just broke my heart. There are those still sleeping on streets who have had food for days and haven't seen their families for a week. There are those who passed away on the side of the street.

This is America. This shouldn't happen to citizens of this country. There are those who say that these people should have heeded the evacuation warning, but what about the people who had no choice? What is you were too poor to own a car, be able to get a hotel room or a train/plane/bus ticket?

What strikes me is how short sighted we as people can be. We don't take the time to understand and appreciate the situations of others. Not only that, but we take what we have for granted. Sure there are hard days, hard tests; people walk into and out of your life, etc. We should take the time to appreciate what we have and give to those who are less fortunate than ourselves.

I am extremely proud of the Georgia Tech family for opening its doors and hearts to those affected. As some of the most priveledged people on the planet, it is our duty to be selfless and give of ourselves. This is what will keep the world a happy, good place and I have seen my peers more than step up to the plate and it warms my heart.

3 Girls, 1 Boat, No Underwear and Some Garden Domes

Well, there were 2 boys, also. Sunday Kristy, Alex, Will and I met John up at Lake Allatoona to do some sailing on his boat "High Flight." We spent most of the beautiful day just sailing (sometimes motoring) around, following a guy around the lake who turned out to not be hot, and telling Alex to put on some sunscreen. We took lunch and ate out on the boat. We had a great time, especially when re-enacting the Titanic and being "Garden Domes" (another funny Alex/Kristy quote) on the front of the boat. The only thing that could have made it better would have been for Melissa and Stephen to be there! The best way to describe the day is through pictures so here goes.

Kristy and Alex


I don't have a silly face like Alex


Yay for Roomies! (we need to photoshop Melissa in)


One of the great Alex faces


Will helping to raise the sails


John displaying skills


Glamourous Kristy


A couple of Garden Domes... I mean Knomes... I mean hood ornaments


So we may have used the motor for this...


Meet George, the autopilot.


George is oh so sexy.


Titanic.


:-)

Eat, Drink and Be Merry

Kristy mentioned earlier this week that she wanted to drink this weekend, so I arranged to have a Pre-Citizenship Party Party. It was totally awesome.

Stephen, John, Kristy, Alex and I went to the liquor store then picked up pizza for dinner and met Melissa and Will back here where we proceeded to eat, drink and be merry. It was about 730pm and we continued into the wee hours of the morning. Brian Huff came over and Justin stopped by for a little bit also. Melissa and Alex's friend David came over and Lucas also dropped by with some of his friends. It was good times. Even though John was in the bathroom sick for like forever.

I was just really happy to have a ton of people to hang out and have fun with. It was a great pre-party party thing. Look for awesome pictures soon...

The Future of the United States

I have had a lot of thoughts on my mind, so expect a lot of posts.

I started thinking yesterday about the youth of America and Kristy and I had a great conversation about it. We both babysit and have seen "the future" first hand. We watch kids who receive whatever they want whenever they want because their workaholic parents feel guilty for leaving them at daycare 10 hours a day.

Wait, this is a very scary picture. I think we can see the beginnings of this generation even in people our age, which is scary, because then how much worse does it get when they have children?

I know people who will take responsibility for none of their actions and blame others instead. I know those who are out of touch with reality. For example, one kid (a Techie), was complaining to me about Georgia Tech the other day. I guess hindsight is 20/20, because all in all I think I've enjoyed my experience here, and it was by no means easy or fun at times. I told him he needed perspective. For example, every citizen of the city of New Orleans has lost something, whether it is possesions or family members. There are those scattered throughout Alabama and Mississippi in the same circumstances. This kid lived his whole life in an affluent neighborhood in the richest country in the world and has the chance to do whatever he wants in life. I told him he could've been someone else born somewhere else, and I used women in Darfur as an example.

This out of touch with reality kid had the nerve to say "at least they don't have to go to college."
How shocking is that (I figure maybe he has no idea where Darfur is or that it's even a place, which is an issue I'll get to momentarily).

This same kid also said it was perfectly acceptable for the U.S. to mistreat prisoners "because they are terrorists and they deserve it and so if they have to give a blow job it's not nearly as bad as what they do to us."

What sort of upbringing leads those our age to have such un-informed opinions? Oh wait, I know... they're more interested in reality shows than reading. The news they do watch is full of coverage of the Michael Jackson trial or Britney Spear's pregnancy.

But more than that I feel there is a feeling of entitlement. Does someone who lives affluently in a country like this one inevitably become this way? Or is there a way to remain humble and appreciative of everything around you, to know that you have to work hard in life and that it will be a bumpy ride, and that the world does not center around them or the United States?

Don't get me wrong. These several people are, in my opinion, the exception here at Tech. I think most people we know understand that there is hard work involved in success. It's not longer about the brains, we know we're smart, you had to be to get here in the first place. Now it's about work and motivation, and I think the majority of our peers exhibit these qualities.

However, what if this out of touch population continues to grow?

The Mask

I have been in a situation several times. How long does it truly take to get to know a person?

It would probably take more than just the fingers on one hand to count the number of times that I have been truly impressed with a person and really enjoyed them and then they turn out to be someone completely different. I guess it takes a while for everyone to show their true colors, right? But, I feel like in particular these people have truly hidden who they are, whereas with others you just see deeper parts of their personalities as time goes on. In particular, with a very good friend, after quite some time it turned out they only wanted to take advantage of me. And were dense enough to continue to attempt that after knowing how I disliked them. And, more recently, thinking that someone is more mature or in a place where they are not. And then turning to name calling in a discussion... well, let me just say I'm not longer surprised at their situation.

People are just so surprising and interesting though. They often catch me off guard. Like when you are nothing but nice to someone, contribute a little something, offer something and they still resort to childish behavior. I must have really hit home, because I don't see temper tantrums like that except in the kids that I babysit for (all between the ages of 2 and 5). But, even more so than that, is the resistance to some honesty and a little challenge. I guess some have been so coddled and so used to getting what they want and having their hand held that a challenge doesn't go over well. I guess they will always live in their land of delusion, which sadly is an unhappy place.

BUT, most importantly, is that I have learned so much from all these people, and this is what life is all about, right? Perhaps the biggest lesson I learned today. Will had always tried to make the point about how name-calling and insults do not strengthen your argument, but just make you appear more and more childish. And make you seem non-educated.

The end.

Livia the American

Around the time that I was 5 years old my parents packed up the whole family and moved us from a little town in Brazil to West Palm Beach, Florida. They did this because the country was in a bad state of disrepair and they wanted us to have opportunties. I benefited from this move. I went to good schools, I performed well, I'm at a great college. But it hurt us, also. I don't know what it's like to spend summers at my Grandmother's house and I don't have any family that comes over for Christmas. Now things are different, of course, because my Grandmother comes to visit once a year and we have many friends to fill the house at Christmas.

Although I don't have a great grasp of Portuguese, I always denied being American, particularly at times when there was a huge anti-American sentiment around the world and when people complain about the president (hey, I don't have anything to do with it, I can't vote!)

My family applied for citizenship when the right time came (the process is long). My dad was naturalized in 1997, INS (now USCIS) lost the other 4 applications. So, we restarted the process and I received my green card when I was 17.

Today I became a naturalized citizen. I walked up to the table, signed an oath stating that I will not swear my allegiance to any other country and that I will serve and bear arms if necessary (yeah, right :-p) and I felt somewhat sad. I don't want to be able to be drafted, I thought; I don't want to not place Brazil first in my heart.

I always thought that I would let citizenship happen when I got married (presumably to an American) but then I chose the Aerospace business where there is no work for non-citizens. So, it had to be done.

But last night as I lay awake listening to the wind howl, I finally had some peace about this happening. Recently I have gotten more and more involved with politics and the direction of this nation (even though I could not vote) and I am glad that now there will be one more fully-informed person voting every time and trying her darndest to inspire those around her to make their own decisions about where the country should be headed.

Sure, I was born a brazilian and will always have some traits that cannot be taken away (the dancing, the booty, the drinking tolerance) but the truth is that I grew up here and am just as American as those around me (gosh, it hurts to say that :-p). Now it's my turn to bring a little of my culture to those around me and help to shape and mold the space around me. Sure, I make cracks about how the citizenship oath should state "I promise to forget all geography I ever learned and to not care about the environment and to forget that anyone else in the world exists" but deep down I am a little proud.

By the way, here's something I was thinking about. Signing the oath I realized that there is no room here for hyphens. Sure, my heritage is Brazilian, and I could probably call myself Brazilian-American (as my kids might... if they inherit my dancing skills) but there is no room for the hyphen when it comes to citizenship. And so I thought, if I have to give mine up, why doesn't everyone else? I'm going to leave that thought there before I offend someone...

So, would you like to come to my "Livia's a Citizen 18 years in the making party?"

The first week of the rest of my undergraduate career

The first week was alright. I've been in this funk that I can't quite explain or seem to shake. I believe it's from the lack of vacation and just first week general stress. Hopefully I can snap out of it because I can't afford to get behind so early in the game.

I think I have become super nostalgic since realizing that the end of "college" is near. I want to cram as much fun into this semester as possible.

I love love LOVE my roomies! They are all great girls and we have spent a good amount of time together already, beginning with Melissa's 21st birthday. Check flickr for photos.

I actually have made some decisions (sorta) about the future and some stuff that happened this week served to give me peace about them, but that's for another entry.

On Tuesday I am going for my citizenship interview... wish me luck! (yeah right... :-p)

Financial Aid

One again, I have a problem with the financial aid office. Why is it that this school, which turns out some of the best and brightest of today's society, can't get people with brains to work for them?

I am absolutely certain that if they were to take more care in hiring smart people, they could ultimately save time and money.

Pixie

I was listening to Ani DiFranco in the car today and this song reminded me of a certain person I used to know:

the man behind the counter looks like he's got
a halfa dozen places he'd rather be
and furthermore it looks like he's prepared
to take it all out on me
buddy, i don't really care what your problem is
just don't make it mine
come on kids, let's all hold hands
and pretend we're having a good time

maybe you don't like your job
maybe you didn't get enough sleep
well, nobody likes their job
nobody got enough sleep
maybe you just had
the worst day of your life
but, you know, there's no escape
and there's no excuse
so just suck up
suck up
suck up and be nice
be nice

~Pixie, Ani DiFranco

I know we all slip up every once in a while, but I've been trying to be better about this. But I know one or two people who are notorious for treating other people poorly on their bad days and thinking that it's a good excuse and it's not. But then again they thing they're the exception to a lot of things. Oh well.

In other news, yesterday Will and I had an unknown anniversay. We ended up going to the Braves game with Alex and Brian (I can sometimes get awesome tickets through the place I used to work last summer) and I realized that it was right around this time of year that he and I went to a game with his parents when we first started dating. I came home and checked the ticket (since I am a pack rat) and discovered that it was the same day! How weird is that?

My Quarter Life Crisis

Well, that's what my friend John Bumgarner (my other at work email buddy besides Alex) called it. I have no idea what direction to head in next. There are so many options and I just wish someone would tell me what the right answer is. Where's that darn solution manual again?

I could start graduate school in January. Or I could skip grad school and just get a job. But I want to stay in Atlanta. But is it retarded to stick around cause of Will? And I want to race on the cycling team. But I do have an interview with Delta coming up. And I've always wanted to work for an airline, at least for a little while.

Or, I could start graduate school in August. And help out the Malloys til then. It would be awesome to have some time away from school, since I've been doing it straight since my Junior year of high school. And the job would be great. But maybe I would lose some footing at the ASDL, and I love my job there.

Or maybe I could just take a break until August and then start school. Or take a break then look for a "real" job.

I don't know what to do. I guess when the time comes the right doors will open and close and point me in the right direction. But I'm a big planner and I'd like to know now. I suppose the first step is to talk to Dr. Kirby tomorrow about the reasonableness (hey, that's a tech assessment term) of my missing 7 months of stuff at the lab. We'll see...

Boys are Stupid

No, this post isn't about Will (everything is awesome in that department).

I am really, really, really irritated with two guys right now. Both younger. They're not connected, but it's interesting how similar they are. They both resort to insulting me. About stupid things. Example: an insult regarding that fact that I read music in alto clef (as a violist, this is the clef we read mostly, along with treble). WTF? What kind of person insults the clef of the music you read? How insecure are you (ie how small does your dick have to be) to insult someone on something like that? Their insults have ranged from music to activities to anything else.

It turns out younger boys are stupid. Will says he wasn't stupid at their age, but who knows. I didn't know him then (I doubt he was though, he's always been a step ahead of his peers):-p They are so immature. And the funny thing is that they think they are mature for their age. Yeah, insulting people is mature. Good job, guys.

Seriously, I've been nothing but nice to them. Done anything from waiting on them to carpooling with them. My thanks is shallow, disgusting insults. And they wonder at their lack of friends.

Hey guys, your loss. I'm not the one hurting for company.