Eat, Drink and Be Merry

Kristy mentioned earlier this week that she wanted to drink this weekend, so I arranged to have a Pre-Citizenship Party Party. It was totally awesome.

Stephen, John, Kristy, Alex and I went to the liquor store then picked up pizza for dinner and met Melissa and Will back here where we proceeded to eat, drink and be merry. It was about 730pm and we continued into the wee hours of the morning. Brian Huff came over and Justin stopped by for a little bit also. Melissa and Alex's friend David came over and Lucas also dropped by with some of his friends. It was good times. Even though John was in the bathroom sick for like forever.

I was just really happy to have a ton of people to hang out and have fun with. It was a great pre-party party thing. Look for awesome pictures soon...

The Future of the United States

I have had a lot of thoughts on my mind, so expect a lot of posts.

I started thinking yesterday about the youth of America and Kristy and I had a great conversation about it. We both babysit and have seen "the future" first hand. We watch kids who receive whatever they want whenever they want because their workaholic parents feel guilty for leaving them at daycare 10 hours a day.

Wait, this is a very scary picture. I think we can see the beginnings of this generation even in people our age, which is scary, because then how much worse does it get when they have children?

I know people who will take responsibility for none of their actions and blame others instead. I know those who are out of touch with reality. For example, one kid (a Techie), was complaining to me about Georgia Tech the other day. I guess hindsight is 20/20, because all in all I think I've enjoyed my experience here, and it was by no means easy or fun at times. I told him he needed perspective. For example, every citizen of the city of New Orleans has lost something, whether it is possesions or family members. There are those scattered throughout Alabama and Mississippi in the same circumstances. This kid lived his whole life in an affluent neighborhood in the richest country in the world and has the chance to do whatever he wants in life. I told him he could've been someone else born somewhere else, and I used women in Darfur as an example.

This out of touch with reality kid had the nerve to say "at least they don't have to go to college."
How shocking is that (I figure maybe he has no idea where Darfur is or that it's even a place, which is an issue I'll get to momentarily).

This same kid also said it was perfectly acceptable for the U.S. to mistreat prisoners "because they are terrorists and they deserve it and so if they have to give a blow job it's not nearly as bad as what they do to us."

What sort of upbringing leads those our age to have such un-informed opinions? Oh wait, I know... they're more interested in reality shows than reading. The news they do watch is full of coverage of the Michael Jackson trial or Britney Spear's pregnancy.

But more than that I feel there is a feeling of entitlement. Does someone who lives affluently in a country like this one inevitably become this way? Or is there a way to remain humble and appreciative of everything around you, to know that you have to work hard in life and that it will be a bumpy ride, and that the world does not center around them or the United States?

Don't get me wrong. These several people are, in my opinion, the exception here at Tech. I think most people we know understand that there is hard work involved in success. It's not longer about the brains, we know we're smart, you had to be to get here in the first place. Now it's about work and motivation, and I think the majority of our peers exhibit these qualities.

However, what if this out of touch population continues to grow?

The Mask

I have been in a situation several times. How long does it truly take to get to know a person?

It would probably take more than just the fingers on one hand to count the number of times that I have been truly impressed with a person and really enjoyed them and then they turn out to be someone completely different. I guess it takes a while for everyone to show their true colors, right? But, I feel like in particular these people have truly hidden who they are, whereas with others you just see deeper parts of their personalities as time goes on. In particular, with a very good friend, after quite some time it turned out they only wanted to take advantage of me. And were dense enough to continue to attempt that after knowing how I disliked them. And, more recently, thinking that someone is more mature or in a place where they are not. And then turning to name calling in a discussion... well, let me just say I'm not longer surprised at their situation.

People are just so surprising and interesting though. They often catch me off guard. Like when you are nothing but nice to someone, contribute a little something, offer something and they still resort to childish behavior. I must have really hit home, because I don't see temper tantrums like that except in the kids that I babysit for (all between the ages of 2 and 5). But, even more so than that, is the resistance to some honesty and a little challenge. I guess some have been so coddled and so used to getting what they want and having their hand held that a challenge doesn't go over well. I guess they will always live in their land of delusion, which sadly is an unhappy place.

BUT, most importantly, is that I have learned so much from all these people, and this is what life is all about, right? Perhaps the biggest lesson I learned today. Will had always tried to make the point about how name-calling and insults do not strengthen your argument, but just make you appear more and more childish. And make you seem non-educated.

The end.

Livia the American

Around the time that I was 5 years old my parents packed up the whole family and moved us from a little town in Brazil to West Palm Beach, Florida. They did this because the country was in a bad state of disrepair and they wanted us to have opportunties. I benefited from this move. I went to good schools, I performed well, I'm at a great college. But it hurt us, also. I don't know what it's like to spend summers at my Grandmother's house and I don't have any family that comes over for Christmas. Now things are different, of course, because my Grandmother comes to visit once a year and we have many friends to fill the house at Christmas.

Although I don't have a great grasp of Portuguese, I always denied being American, particularly at times when there was a huge anti-American sentiment around the world and when people complain about the president (hey, I don't have anything to do with it, I can't vote!)

My family applied for citizenship when the right time came (the process is long). My dad was naturalized in 1997, INS (now USCIS) lost the other 4 applications. So, we restarted the process and I received my green card when I was 17.

Today I became a naturalized citizen. I walked up to the table, signed an oath stating that I will not swear my allegiance to any other country and that I will serve and bear arms if necessary (yeah, right :-p) and I felt somewhat sad. I don't want to be able to be drafted, I thought; I don't want to not place Brazil first in my heart.

I always thought that I would let citizenship happen when I got married (presumably to an American) but then I chose the Aerospace business where there is no work for non-citizens. So, it had to be done.

But last night as I lay awake listening to the wind howl, I finally had some peace about this happening. Recently I have gotten more and more involved with politics and the direction of this nation (even though I could not vote) and I am glad that now there will be one more fully-informed person voting every time and trying her darndest to inspire those around her to make their own decisions about where the country should be headed.

Sure, I was born a brazilian and will always have some traits that cannot be taken away (the dancing, the booty, the drinking tolerance) but the truth is that I grew up here and am just as American as those around me (gosh, it hurts to say that :-p). Now it's my turn to bring a little of my culture to those around me and help to shape and mold the space around me. Sure, I make cracks about how the citizenship oath should state "I promise to forget all geography I ever learned and to not care about the environment and to forget that anyone else in the world exists" but deep down I am a little proud.

By the way, here's something I was thinking about. Signing the oath I realized that there is no room here for hyphens. Sure, my heritage is Brazilian, and I could probably call myself Brazilian-American (as my kids might... if they inherit my dancing skills) but there is no room for the hyphen when it comes to citizenship. And so I thought, if I have to give mine up, why doesn't everyone else? I'm going to leave that thought there before I offend someone...

So, would you like to come to my "Livia's a Citizen 18 years in the making party?"

The first week of the rest of my undergraduate career

The first week was alright. I've been in this funk that I can't quite explain or seem to shake. I believe it's from the lack of vacation and just first week general stress. Hopefully I can snap out of it because I can't afford to get behind so early in the game.

I think I have become super nostalgic since realizing that the end of "college" is near. I want to cram as much fun into this semester as possible.

I love love LOVE my roomies! They are all great girls and we have spent a good amount of time together already, beginning with Melissa's 21st birthday. Check flickr for photos.

I actually have made some decisions (sorta) about the future and some stuff that happened this week served to give me peace about them, but that's for another entry.

On Tuesday I am going for my citizenship interview... wish me luck! (yeah right... :-p)

Financial Aid

One again, I have a problem with the financial aid office. Why is it that this school, which turns out some of the best and brightest of today's society, can't get people with brains to work for them?

I am absolutely certain that if they were to take more care in hiring smart people, they could ultimately save time and money.

Pixie

I was listening to Ani DiFranco in the car today and this song reminded me of a certain person I used to know:

the man behind the counter looks like he's got
a halfa dozen places he'd rather be
and furthermore it looks like he's prepared
to take it all out on me
buddy, i don't really care what your problem is
just don't make it mine
come on kids, let's all hold hands
and pretend we're having a good time

maybe you don't like your job
maybe you didn't get enough sleep
well, nobody likes their job
nobody got enough sleep
maybe you just had
the worst day of your life
but, you know, there's no escape
and there's no excuse
so just suck up
suck up
suck up and be nice
be nice

~Pixie, Ani DiFranco

I know we all slip up every once in a while, but I've been trying to be better about this. But I know one or two people who are notorious for treating other people poorly on their bad days and thinking that it's a good excuse and it's not. But then again they thing they're the exception to a lot of things. Oh well.

In other news, yesterday Will and I had an unknown anniversay. We ended up going to the Braves game with Alex and Brian (I can sometimes get awesome tickets through the place I used to work last summer) and I realized that it was right around this time of year that he and I went to a game with his parents when we first started dating. I came home and checked the ticket (since I am a pack rat) and discovered that it was the same day! How weird is that?

My Quarter Life Crisis

Well, that's what my friend John Bumgarner (my other at work email buddy besides Alex) called it. I have no idea what direction to head in next. There are so many options and I just wish someone would tell me what the right answer is. Where's that darn solution manual again?

I could start graduate school in January. Or I could skip grad school and just get a job. But I want to stay in Atlanta. But is it retarded to stick around cause of Will? And I want to race on the cycling team. But I do have an interview with Delta coming up. And I've always wanted to work for an airline, at least for a little while.

Or, I could start graduate school in August. And help out the Malloys til then. It would be awesome to have some time away from school, since I've been doing it straight since my Junior year of high school. And the job would be great. But maybe I would lose some footing at the ASDL, and I love my job there.

Or maybe I could just take a break until August and then start school. Or take a break then look for a "real" job.

I don't know what to do. I guess when the time comes the right doors will open and close and point me in the right direction. But I'm a big planner and I'd like to know now. I suppose the first step is to talk to Dr. Kirby tomorrow about the reasonableness (hey, that's a tech assessment term) of my missing 7 months of stuff at the lab. We'll see...

Boys are Stupid

No, this post isn't about Will (everything is awesome in that department).

I am really, really, really irritated with two guys right now. Both younger. They're not connected, but it's interesting how similar they are. They both resort to insulting me. About stupid things. Example: an insult regarding that fact that I read music in alto clef (as a violist, this is the clef we read mostly, along with treble). WTF? What kind of person insults the clef of the music you read? How insecure are you (ie how small does your dick have to be) to insult someone on something like that? Their insults have ranged from music to activities to anything else.

It turns out younger boys are stupid. Will says he wasn't stupid at their age, but who knows. I didn't know him then (I doubt he was though, he's always been a step ahead of his peers):-p They are so immature. And the funny thing is that they think they are mature for their age. Yeah, insulting people is mature. Good job, guys.

Seriously, I've been nothing but nice to them. Done anything from waiting on them to carpooling with them. My thanks is shallow, disgusting insults. And they wonder at their lack of friends.

Hey guys, your loss. I'm not the one hurting for company.

A Lack of Interesting Women

A few weeks ago I was a part of a market research group and it has been on my mind ever since. It was a study for a new energy drink from Tab (aka Coke) that was geared towards the female market. Yeah, I know I don't drink energy drinks (at least not without Jaeger) but I figured that wouldn't matter (for $75 and dinner). So sue me.

We were in a miked room with one-way mirrors. It was interesting. As an ice breaker, and to get everyone talking, we had to talk to the girl sitting next to us and learn things about her in order to introduce her to the group. The girl next to me recently moved to Atlanta "for a change of scenery." She worked for Lanier Worldwide and said she loved baseball, summer and the 4th of July.

We were the last to go. As they went around the room introducing each other and themselves, I began to notice something. Each girl had listed shopping, "lying out," and partying as what they liked to do. With the exception of a girl (also from Tech), my partner and myself, all the girls had the same, uninteresting response.

It got to be my turn. Unlike the others, I wasn't a psychology or marketing major. I told them my major, that I do undergraduate research, that I am a member of GT's Cycling Team and a student pilot. They all looked at me in this weird way. They guy leading the group asked me what else I like to do... as if there's time for anything else?

Since when did diversity and interestingness disappear among young women? I have been, for the most part, very fortunate in the women that I meet at Georgia Tech. Most are overachievers. Among the many women I know, there are swimmers, runners, readers, activists, cyclists, pilots, golfers, musicians, researchers and the list goes on. These women are clearly the leaders among our peers and will be later on in life, undoubtedly.

But, following that experience, I begin to wonder if we are not the norm but the exception. Maybe, by attending this fairly "elite" school, we have been surrounded by the over achievers. Of course there are those who, when you ask them what they're interested in, can't really seem to find an answer. Is that the kind of woman that society is producing today? When I enter the "real world" (assuming it ever happens) will I be surrounded by women who cannot carry a conversation about current events or anything outside of the popular fashion trends and celebrities?

Don't get me wrong, I pay attention to all of that stuff as well. But whatever happened to being well rounded?

Will always says that he had an "interesting" (or uninteresting) time dating before he met me. He's always known that he can attract the extremely good looking girls. He said he became tired of the girls who had always gotten through life by relying on their looks. Perhaps those are the same as the ones that I refer to. The ones that spend more time on their makeup than they do on what's in their brain.

Hopefully, that's not the case. For now I'll be thankful for knowing the Jen Lees, Alex Kennedys, Elise Beiseckers, Katy Halls (and the list goes on) of the world. The girls that can talk about everything from politics to last night's episode of Gilmore Girls. And hope that in the future we can be mentors to young girls and inspire them to be "interesting."

Like a Train Wreck

Tonight I received some news that hit me like a train wreck. I discovered that the parents of the kids that I refer to as "my little cousins" have been separated for one week. What was shocking was that I found out from the four year old. But even more so, I never imagined that happening.

I always knew his father wasn't a good father. He wasn't into it. He never wanted children. But Alden came along unexpectedly. Then Kaya. Sure, he didn't want children... but whatever happened to living up to your responsibilities? It's not like blowing off a test or a class... it's two small, extremely precious, bright lives.

The effects of an absent, uninterested father could already be seen on Alden. He clearly craved that male bond and affection. He quickly bonded with my dad ("Uncle E"), Ray ("Uncle Ray") and now Will ("Uncle Will" or sometimes "Squeaky Mouse"). Now he will have a father who is absent, but completely.

"My" kids, Alden and Kaya


I love these kids like they were my own. I don't want to see something so negative happen to them so soon. Which I guess would explain why I'm so upset. I'm also really angry. He was already so absent, what the hell gives him the right to completely exit? Yeah, sure there are those who will say "he has the right to live his own life." To that I say: he shouldn't have had children. And if they say "it wasn't planned" I say so what? It takes two people to make a baby. So grow up and take a little responsibility.

I guess that's the outlook that makes it clear that I definitely want a family of my own :-p I know those who are too selfish for children. Hey, if you don't want children, no problem. Just don't have any.

Family Matters

Last week was my "vacation". It was the first week without classes so I also took time from work. Since Will and I both wanted to take a trip, but save money at the same time, we decided to head to Columbus for some relaxation.

Travelling there, although always fun, makes me nervous every time. In two years, I have only been there 5 or 6 times. I'm not as familiar with his family as he is with mine. On top of that, his mom is not a fan of mine. So, even though I was looking forward to good cycling and nature time, I was not looking forward to being uncomfortable with his family.

This time was different. Instead of heading out to try to see and do everything, we decided to spend more time hanging out and decompressing. That gave me more time with his family. Unlike most of the other time that I have visited, Will's brother was home. I had spent the least amount of time with him so it was neat to see them interact. Thursday night we all sat down to a game of Cranium (which his Mom and Dad also played with us) which was very entertaining, even though Will and I are nowhere near as good as Jen Schur and I were. I really enjoyed just sitting down with them, becoming familiar with how they interact and learning more about all of them. As usual, his sister was hilarious and cracked me up all the time. Imagine a girl Will minus the engineering dorkiness but with all the humor and captivating personality. His Dad talked to me about many things, as usual, even Carnaval in Brazil.

His Mom's attitude towards me has certainly changed. Last time I visited we went out to dinner with just his Dad and sister... his mom wouldn't go. This time, the four of us ate out on Saturday night together (at Texas Roadhouse!). It was nice to talk to them. She and I are strikingly similar in some aspects (which must be extremely scary for Will).

Who knows, perhaps she's just resigned herself to the fact that it's been two years and I haven't gone anywhere. We've weathered everything that's come our way and I expect for that to continue happening. But, I think what was even more important was that both Will and I could be a little more comfortable. His Mom's disapproval of me had placed a large weight on our relationship once and it's very nice for that to begin to lift. It's also great to think that one day I may fit in with them like he does with my family (well, maybe not... my parents would trade me for him).

We had plans to visit Oxbow Meadows, Callaway, Coca Cola Space Science Museum and long bike rides every day. We ended up doing only one long ride, taking naps everyday, visiting the Riverwalk, and watching Wedding Crashers. Oh, and many games of Cranium, of course. It was a wonderful vacation and I'm sad that it's over so soon. As many people have said (most recently repeated by Lance Armstrong)... a body at rest stays at rest.

I really like Columbus. Great biking, you can see the stars (if it's not overcast) and there's nature everywhere.

A Garden


Black and White Garden


The Riverwalk





My cutie


I loved this house!

The Year of the Bicycle

Will and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary this past Tuesday (July 26). I remember talking about the ambiguity of the date we officially "got together" during the first few months we were dating and finally deciding on that date. Getting Will to remember it is another story...

As the day drew near I found myself reminiscing about the time we have spent together. Our first year was exciting. There was a lot of traveling involved... trips to Greenvile, to Columbus, Will coming to Atlanta, Spring Break at Ft. Walton (with dozens of airplanes!), Savannah, D.C., my first camping trip and numerous hiking trips. It was The Year of the Airplane. We bonded at first over our love of everything that flies and spent the first year getting to know each other and all of our passions.

This past year was The Year of the Bicycle. Although the first year had more "exciting" events, and this past year had many bumps in the road and was very difficult at times, I enjoyed our second year more. We bonded even more through Will's passion for cycling and my interest in learning it. I learned so much about him, and about myself, this year. He never ceases to amaze me. Will has become the friend that I have always been looking for; the one who you can count on to answer the phone in the middle of the night, to come pick you up from the airport at 2am carrying a pillow and your favorite stuffed animal, who will drive 30 minutes to give you a hug, who defends you when you need it, stands up for you, and a million other things to show that they care. He is there when I need someone to lean on, gives me pep talks when I need inspiration, and pushes when he knows I can do better.

The past few weeks were especially rough, given the rollercoaster that I was riding. But after an especially difficult talk we had, I decided to get off the rollercoaster and be happy. I don't know what caused my emotions to tumble that way, but as I sat there and looked at him I knew I didn't want anything else and that I especially didn't want to make him hurt anymore.

Tuesday Will had an especially rough day with the applied physiology study, but he insisted on going out that evening. He surprised me with red roses (I never thought I would get some from him!) and took me to dinner at The Melting Pot. Dinner was wonderful (we realized that in 2 years we had never eaten somewhere with reservations :-p). We were there for 2 hours and both enjoyed a special meal and new experience. He told me that several years ago he never would've done something like that and that I show him so many new thing. It was awesome to hear because I know that he has definitely brightened my world and I hoped to do just a little for him.

He asked me that night what year 3 would be called, and I told him to ask on the night of our anniversary. But earlier today we decided it will be The Year of Awesomeness. :-)

Very Interesting

You Are 47% American

America: You don't love it or want to leave it. But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over. On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead... And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!

How American Are You?

Surprise Surprise

Your Political Profile

Overall: 20% Conservative, 80% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

Moronic Behavior

What kind of person treats someone they love and that means the world to them this way? Especially at this point in time...

From now on, no more idiotic, mean, moronic behavior. I will gain and keep some perspective. I will not let a little insignificant comment bring all of my fears and insecurities to the surface and send me into a spin. I will be logical.

No more.
I will be understanding and loving. I will be the Livia he loves and deserves.
The end.

Rollercoaster

I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past few weeks. I don't know what's going on. I am moody, irritable. I keep picking fights with Will. The littlest thing will send me into a spin. This should be a happy time - we are celebrating our two year anniversary on July 26. We had a wonderful weekend, but here it is Tuesday and I picked a fight at work.

I figure it's a combination of things, and none really to do with him. The loneliness, the feeling that I'm getting left behind while the lives of the people I know take off with direction, the fear that comes with the unknown, the loss of perspective. Then there's the fear that we will go back to that place again, that I will become too dependent. Wondering about whether the little things will become large things as time goes on and I look to "settle down." It causes me to put up walls.

For so long the issues and problems in our relationship have revolved around Will and I guess I have become comfortable. But now I have to take responsibility. And I really hate that I make things difficult and make him doubt how nice and sweet he is.

Girls really are more trouble than they're worth, aren't they?

Cracked

Everytime I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles, all my fears dissolve in your affections
You see me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

You stay the course, you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire
You save me, You complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you'll never turn to go

You stay the course, you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire
You save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm ok
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day

You stay the course, you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing i know i can believe

~ Sarah McLachlan, Push

I Want the Solution Manual

I always enjoy riding with John. We talk the whole time and it's really refreshing to talk to someone new yet nice to know someone with so many similarities.

I don't know if they come to mind because of what we talk about or because they've just been on my mind, but I have been wondering so many things recently. How do you know when it's the right person? Should you invest the time and energy if it's not the right person, or should you keep looking? If things are different then what you thought they would be, is it because you settled or because your expectations were unrealistic? Are they high standards or are they unrealistic?

Ok, so we haven't actually talked about all of these... but what I conclude is that I want the solution manual.

Life After ESAS

I walked into work early Monday morning, ready to lead the ONR meeting with Elise and Sara, but there stood Dr. Kirby. She said locking out the calculator had pissed off some people at NASA and that they called and said our "services are no longer required." Even though I'm upset about the situation, I'm excited to get back to a normal working schedule. The past few weeks I logged 3 weeks of overtime/vacation, the first of which I will be taking next week. I have forgotten to take care of many things, sometimes bills, sometimes school stuff. I have stayed in that building until midnight way too many times and have lived the unhealthy life that I try to avoid.

One of the things that I forgot about was my degree petition. I had attempted to contact the Modern Languages department over a month ago about my minor petition, and I just assumed they would get back to me before the petitions were due. Friday I finally had some time to breath and found out that the deadline had passed. After some running around I was able to turn in my major one and they told me I have one week to turn in the minor petition. Now if I could only get the idiots at the Modern Languages building to answer the phone, email or anything!

One thing that happens when I have free time is that I ride my bike... a lot! I finally hit my goal of 100+ miles per week last week, faciliated by a challenging 60 mile ride on the Silver Comet (my longest, to date). We went to the big tunnel which was cool and kinda creepy. Still, it was fun though. I am so much faster than what I used to be! How exciting! It is the neatest thing ever to catch up to Will and hear him say "you're hauling."
That's one of the biggest compliments I've ever gotten from him.

So next week I have the week off... it'll be GRE study time and Grad School App filling out time. And catching up on schoolwork. And lots of riding!