Responsibility

I've decided to be lame and stick around here this weekend so I can pack. I guess it's the right thing to do since I haven't started yet. I guess it's not too bad since I will be traveling the next 6 weekends in a row.

In other news, Danny and I are going on a trip to Mexico. Damn, we live the life.

Return

The return trip always bums me out a little. Usually it's because I know I'll have to go days if not weeks without enjoying the awesome company of my boy in person. The crazy weekends, like our last trip to Knoxville or this past long weekend in Memphis, make me especially sad because we don't get any real QT together. And this weekend Delta added a little blow to my sadness but not squeezing us onto the same flight, thus preventing me from realizing much looked-forward-to dinner plans with the boy.

And it gets worse. I'm dreading the return to work tomorrow. After 5 days off, I can't seem to find reasons to go back. Do they pay me enough for this shit? Most certainly they do not. I made the mistake of checking my email and I know tomorrow will be hellish. If only I didn't give a shit. If only I didn't care that head-up-his-own-ass engineer wasn't going to park the entire international fleet with his stupid ideas.

Maybe I can learn not to. Maybe I can give up the benefits. Maybe it's time for change.

Stress

Life is stressful right now. I know that there are those who thought real life would be easier than school, and in some ways it is. But in other ways it's not.

I'm traveling Friday to meet my boyfriend's entire extended family at his brother's wedding (oh yeah, don't forget the meeting-the-family-complex that I acquired from previous boyfriend's redneck backwards family.) The summer crunch is approaching at work and I'm starting to feel it. The overbearing, disrespectful, idiot engineer that I have to work with continues to make my life a living hell. The decisions that he makes behind my back are making the summer crunch look like it's going to be worse and worse. Not to mention the abuse.

It's a lot right now. I think I'll take a personal day tomorrow. Maybe then I'll find some time to sit down and expand on the discrimination I face at work. Or that ex-bf complex. Or that I'm totally flasking it to the wedding.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

This weekend was hard on me, missing Danny wise. First it was cheesy chick flicks that made me want hugs so badly. Then it was shopping for dresses and playing Wii with friends. Then eating Matt's portobello mushroom-canadian bacon concoction.



Most of the time it's ok. Most of the time I like going to workout and cooking dinner for myself and having alone time.

But then sometimes it seems like there are a million things throughout the day that make me think of the boy and make me want to talk to him. Maybe it's because the last time we hung out, it wasn't really quality time so much as it was running around with people to see and places to go.

Then again, visits sometimes just make me remember what I'm missing.

All in all, though, I'm glad things worked out like this and I wouldn't take my decisions back for anything.


Is it Thursday yet? I don't know how you've done it all this time, Wendy Boone.

Go with the flow

Lately I've seen a lot of people settle into the life that we're all taught to want and have. Married out of college. Pregnant immediately after. No time to find yourself, enjoy life, see if your marriage will work, save cause kids cost an arm and a leg.

I am programmed to want this life as well, and I have to wonder how many people actually stop and think about things or whether they go through the motions of it all before they even realize what's happening. I understand more and more how people can turn around 5, 10, 20 years down the road and want out cause they only then realize or admit what they really want. The way things go with this society, I have to believe this is probably the norm.

My anonymous commenter on Wedding Season made some great points. To be honest? I'm still extremely pissed at Will. For many things. For never deserving or amounting to what I thought of him. For throwing away all that hard work in college, everying I did to pull him through undergrad and get him into grad school, by not getting a job in aviation. For throwing away his own dreams. For adopting someone else's life and beliefs without much questioning. I'm livid. Because I wasted so much time on someone who was so clearly clueless. In the end, he ended up being no different than all those flaky girls I struggled to distance myself from in high school and college.

I want more. More than a house, 2.5 kids and a dog in the suburbs. I want to see the world. I want to break through that ceiling at work and kick ass. I want to pay off my debts. I want extraordinary.

And then, after that, I'll settle for a few kids. But in the mountains somewhere, so I can teach them to ski when they're still in diapers

Picking Up the Pace

Yesterday I went to my first spinning class after a too long absence. At my new gym. While I didn't like the bikes, or the teacher, it felt like me. Getting up early and packing multiple bags because I wouldn't be home for forever.

Today I left work with another bag in tow, this time to go practice volleyball with my co-workers. Then I had to rush home to meet Danielle for dinner and ABC watching.

It feels like my old self. I've been living life in slow motion for nearly a year and now I'm starting to speed back up again.

I have to credit my boy. He has the lupus but has settled in to his adult life much better than me. He's riding his bike to work and going to the gym and playing volleyball and running 5ks. Me? I begged him to let me sleep.

But maybe I'll just pick up the pace little by little...

The Airline Biznass

Things have been pretty hectic and psycho at work. And that doesn't include any of the MD-80 madness or today's big announcement. All of a sudden things have been going wrong on the engine fleet I manage. Things are not going according to plan (yes, I have to forecast what shit will hit the fan before each year) and over the last 2 weeks I've had 3 oh shit moments, on top of the other crap I deal with on a daily basis. I'm WAY ahead of plan. And this is a case where being ahead is a bad thing.

The latest, which happened Friday at 10am has been the biggest challenge I've face so far. I'm still spending some QT with Daddy FAA to sort it all out.

And this, this is the quiet before the summer storm. Summer is the busiest time. And I expect even more stuff to hit the fan.

Not to mention the whole Delta taking over the world one airline at a time thing... at least I won't be bored for the next few weeks.

Wedding Season

My ex of three years (and probably two years too long) gets married today. If certain things hadn't happened, that would've been me. He had the ring. He had the plans. And me?

All I can think is Thank God it isn't me.

Things are so different, so much better. I could've ended up living in a house in the suburbs with a man who has no idea who he is trying to fit into a mold that he inherited from his parents. With some kids. And a dog.

But instead, I'm the the beginning of a career, kicking ass and taking names at my job. I've got a boy who, instead of just settling, is also kicking ass and taking names (and writing code) at his job. We live the life. We dream. We get to travel. Ski. Ride bikes on the beach. Go whereever. Drink whatever. See whatever. Laugh together. Get along together. Experience everything. Even the things that I like. Even the new things.

And? I think his family likes me. Or, if not, at least they are welcoming and inviting.

I have to send a thank you note to those friends whom I met in the fall of 2006. They taught me so much.

Thank god it isn't me.

Non-rev Karma

The non-reving world is a funny one. My multiple trips to LA have proven what an interesting and slightly stressful experience it is. There are times when it's the smoothest thing ever and others, well, you end up stuck in the Knoxville airport all day.

My first trip out I got the last seat on the plane, but only because there were groups of two and three that didn't want to split up. On the way back, I had to use up a precious S2 to get the middle seat on the red eye in order to get back in time.

The second time, I left work to catch the flight and it looked wide open. By the time I got to the gate, I was 50th on the list and had to run to catch the flight to orange county. On the way back, I got the a seat in the last row of a 777.

And this time. A hellish flying day in atlanta due to bad weather meant I was 39th on the list and the flight was delayed by an hour. I checked into two others just in case. And then? I got cleared for 1st class. I tried to get out on sunday, but my favorite flight back on the 777 was canceled which backed up the rest of the day. Monday put me on the flight leaving at 1115... it only had room because it was actually scheduled for 730 and ended up with lost of space after everyone deserted and stood by for the later flights.

They say it used to be much easier. Most of the times it's not bad.

Whirlwind

There has been a lack of updating lately. Due to the pace of life and the fact that I can't seem to stay in Atlanta. Even when I slow down, I don't really slow down. Even when I'm in town, I'm not really in town.

Sometimes I just have the desire to stay here, hang with my friends, sit on my couch. Maybe I like to operate at 100 miles per hour because if I slow down, everything will catch up and hit me like a bus.

So in the mean time I'll keep going and ignoring. On the bright side, there is a lot of the world to see and many mountains to ski.

A New Day

Today I got up more or less on time. I made the bed, put on my make up and left for work (more or less on time.)

When I got home, I went to workout.

Makeup and working out... two things that go away easily. Here's to bringing them back.

By the way, I believe this is the worst shape I've ever been in. My running shorts from the last time I was trying to lose weight don't fit. And that's scary.

Here's to a new day.

Best Laid Plans

Despite some good planning on both our parts, the ski trip to Lake Tahoe did not go smoothly. Weather everywhere made my outgoing flight delayed, which stranded Danny at the Reno airport for about two hours. By the time we arrived at the Casino, I had been awake for nearly 24 hours and was extremely cranky.

The skiing was good, but Heavenly was not a great resort. I was still fighting with my boots, which added to my irritability. It was windy, cold, and dumping snow, which aren't the happiest skiing conditions.

Back at the Casino hotel I had a booger bath and a roach dinner. Yummy.

Sunday, despite our best efforts to get to the airport early, we both messed up and missed the flight. That meant finding a place to stay and other flights, which didn't work out for Danny since there was no direct to LAX the next morning. Then, finally, the next morning, the shuttle from the hotel decided to try to make me miss the first flight out as well. Bitchy skywest agents and delays for Danny just added a cherry on top.

Perhaps we're trying too hard.

Symptomatic

It's back. Not full-fledged yet, but it's rearing it's ugly head. The irritability, feeling overwhelmed, oversleeping, not being able to get out of bed.

How is this possible? I'm in treatment already, already doing the drugs. What else is there to do?

I make these big plans, things that'll help me not give in, things that will keep me distracted. But then my couch and bed are so comfortable and its so nice to sit on my butt and watch tv.

Which will not help me get in shape, see my friends or do any of the many other things that I'd like.

Guess I'll just sit on the fence for now.

Californication

Despite the extenuating circumstances (sick mom, sick self, missing the trip to Italy), I couldn't resist seeing my boy so Friday I skipped out of work a little early and got the last seat on the 4pm out to LAX. One movie (Dan in real life) and one Real Simple cover to cover later I landed on the left coast for the first time.

The greater LA area is apparently the land that the turn of the century forgot, as evidenced by the many roller skates, roller blades, skate boards, ska tattoos and many other things forgotten since the 90s.

They also didn't get the memo that it's winter, which made it a nice weekend for walking on the beach, dipping our feet in the super cold Pacific water, and swimming in the heated pool.

I suppose if he has to live far away, the beach is not a bad choice, given my feelings for the ocean. So far the jury is still out on LA, but spending a weekend with my boy? Priceless.

The goodbye? It hurt this time. I guess I got an up close reminder of what I'm missing every day of the week. As Rory said, there's nothing good about a goodbye.

Threes

Ever heard that things come in threes? Well, I'm hoping I'm done. First Danny's hospital visit, then my mom's (she's out now, by the way but no closer to knowing an answer) and I've missed the past two days of work because I was sick. Does sick count as a third? I hope so, because I really don't want to think that something else could be coming my way.

When it rains

January was rough and it seems like February will continue with the onslaught. My new hobby will be visiting hospitals and waiting anxiously for doctors to get a clue and figure something out.

The stress of the past few weeks has started to take its toll on me. I'm coming down with something and facing increasing inertia while life goes on, with or without me.

And I miss my best friend.

Super Tuesday

This past Tuesday I voted in the Georgia Primary. My mom and my sister voted too, it was their first time. It still made me as excited as it was last time, or even moreso, since my left leaning self is practically nonexistent in this red state.

All of the political excitement has spurred dozens of political conversations at work. Outside of my little Ga Tech bubble, I see what this state is really made of. And it's red. Really red. Huckabee won this state, and I'm certain that my co-workers were essential in helping him out. At first I thought they were all joking about being such fans, but when I asked them about his bat-shit-craziness they were in denial. Even after seeing video, they were still denying what they had watched themselves.

As if someone could manufacture that.

It's been interesting... and will be until November, I'm guessing.

Danny California

As of today I am officially in a cross-country long distance relationship. I left Danny at the terminal on my way to work this morning. I came home for the first time in a long time to an empty apartment, and I realized how much I appreciate his smiling face waiting for me at the end of a long tiring day.

He's currently sitting in his new LA apartment and has already been out for walks on the beach. Yeah, I'm jealous and already I feel like I'm missing important and special experiences.

Due to the hectic February schedule, I'll get to see him briefly mid next week (because I've decided to fly out there for a night to break up the otherwise too long absence) and then after that it's when we meet up at Lake Tahoe to ski on Feb 22.

And I'm sad that he can't go to Rome with me next weekend. And that it happens to be over Valentine's day. :-(

Work Stress?

This week was rough at work. I'm not sure I signed up for stress after grad school. A 12 hour days back to back, plus dealing with the Boeing company flight test people, plus dealing with "Elmer Fudd" and the messes he creates for me daily made it one rough week.

That was only 4 days long, thankfully.

Now I'm off on a "mini-break" skiing in Park City, Utah!

Welcome Home

This will be the view from my second home. I must say, it's a nice consolation for the sucky situation.

I'm going to be so tan!