2004 - Year in Review

2004 was one of the most fun and most difficult years that I can remember. New Year's was my favorite yet. Although some may think it's "boring," hanging out with Will that night surpassed parties at Loca Luna and the Breece's house and watching fireworks in Germany.

Spring semester was by far the most difficult semester I have had. Systems almost killed me. I have never worked that much in a class. My parents were baffled when I would get up at 9am on Saturdays to go Study... all day. It was also interesting (and challenging) to have a boyfriend in town (sorta).

This year I got to go to Ft. Walton Beach, on my first Spring Break trip of college. It was awesome! How interesting that two AE majors end up near airplane museums. We also went to DC to visit Biff. Even more airplanes to be seen! I really enjoy traveling.

This summer was my first summer not taking classes. I really enjoyed making money and not having homework (although it would've been much better if I was working at a cool place.)
I also had my very first 1 year anniversary with a boyfriend. That was fun :-)

Fall semester I moved back on campus. I took my first semester of all AE classes...that was a rough experience. Partied a little bit, bought my bike, flew solo cross countries, lost my first kitty, made new friends, and reconnected with God.

Each year goes by faster than the one before (I know... it's because of the fraction thing.) I wish they would slow down. It's so hard to stop and smell the roses with our busy schedules. 2005 is going to be big - friends graduating and moving away, my own graduation, grad school applications, job hunts - it's going to be busy.

But at this moment, I'm really looking forward to ending 2004 and starting 2005 my favorite way... the same "boring" way that 2004 started :-) I'm really excited about that... it's the first time I've started and ended a year with a someone, and, the same one!

"The real ones end up back in your life somehow"

Being around Dunwoody so much always brings up the inevitable - running into people from high school. I have seen more people this break than any other. It's a funny thing. I don't really keep in touch with any of my high school friends anymore. It went back and forth with my closest girl friends from high school for awhile, but then again college changes people. Or, maybe it just brings out more of who you always were. I really struggled the first few years because my closest friends seemed to have such trouble keeping up with our friendships. Emails and phone calls were scarce. I understand that life can be extremely busy, but there are only so many times that I can handle being "flaked" on.

This year, I decided to let go of those "friendships." As I got to thinking about it, these people never lived up to my "friends" standards (and who knows, perhaps they are too high.) Thinking back to high school I remembered occasions where I wouldn't get a phone call or plans would get cancelled and I began to wonder why I was trying to hold onto these people so hard. I always was different from these people. Their ambitions are totally different from mine. Our "everybody's home lets get together" visits seemed very forced and superficial. My friend Lindsay was in town over the summer. We got together for coffee with two other girls, and when we were leaving Lindsay confided in me that one of her reasons for choosing a place to live far away from here was to not deal with all the drama that comes with being involved with these people. And she's right, life is easier without them.

Still, it's funny to run into them. I never know what to do. I think it's rude when I pass someone I know and they do not acknowledge me on purpose (like certain roommates of mine), but the more I see of the world the more I think I have different standards than many people. I always say hi, and today I stopped to chat with one, but I always feel like they are inconvenienced by this. Maybe I'll just resort to ignoring them, which is what most people do.

I skipped out on going to church on Christmas Eve because I so desperately wanted to avoid some of these people... that's sad, isn't it? My brother invited me and Will to a New Year's thing at the apartment of some of the people that I was in a "group" with. Perhaps we'll stop by...

Mi bicicleta

I have always wanted to be athletic. Or good at something like that. I danced for many years, and did well enough, but not enough to have a career. My involvement with ballet kept me from playing all those sports and joining the teams that everyone did afterschool. Once I stopped dancing, I joined a soccer team. Being brazilian, you would expect that I was good at this. I had a lot of fun, but I didn't have much going for me in the skill department. I could run around for forever, but not very fast. I could dribble the ball, but that's where my ball handling skills ended. I played one club season then decided to try out for my school team. I didn't make it. My club team didn't have enough returners the following season, so that was the end of that. In high school I started working out with a friend. We went to aerobics classes, which I enjoyed very much. They reminded me of (and made me miss) ballet very much. I was able to lose a lot of the weight that I had put on when I stopped dancing (combined with the soccer). When I got to college, I signed up for aerobics classes. The combination of being overwhelmed with school work and the aerobics classes being too easy led to my stopping that as well.In the middle of my sophomore year, I decided to pick up running, more for getting into shape than for fun. I have had problems with excercise induced asthma for several years now, which makes running not so fun. My knees also didn't enjoy it. I would go through spurts... a few months I would run every day... then I would stop for awhile. Rinse, repeat.

Then I met Will. He is one of the most active people I know. He is very, very passionate about cycling. His passion is contaigious. After knowing him for awhile, he rubbed off on me. I decided to give this sport a shot. He was incredibly patient with me, taking me on rides that probably didn't even count as workouts for him. He took Biff along with us once also. I had so much fun. I really enjoyed being able to excercise without having my lungs bother me as much. I liked going fast. And I especially liked being able to go with people.So, with all that, I decided to purchase a bike. Will, being patient once again, took me bike shopping. What he thought I wanted and what I actually wanted were two different things. I wanted a road bike, something that I could push myself on, that would keep up with me while I advanced. That I could grow into. After looking for a few weeks, we found my new baby.

My Bike, a Mercier Corvus


I am very thankful, because Will introduced me to one of my new favorite things. I enjoy riding my bike because it is one of the only things that I can pour time into and get results directly back from (whereas others you work and work and work to maybe someday see some payoff.) When I haven't gone in awhile, I miss it. I've gotten to have a lot of fun with Will, Bob, Brian, Cameron, John, Biff and even Lucas with that bike. I have something that I can always do, even when I have a family (I'm looking forward to pulling some kids behind me - talk about resistance training!)

And, finally, I have something that I can do that, after enough work, I will be good at.

The Karma Train comes around

I know a lot of people don't understand why I like to babysit so much. Or why I commit myself to things that don't have much to do with my education or getting a job, reaching my goals, etc. I really enjoy giving to people and helping them out. I like being there for my "kids" and their families, I like being dependable. I really like having relationships and nurturing them, and I like growing outside of the classroom.

A lot of people wouldn't do these things because they aren't helpful on their resume. But I believe that we have to work on all aspects of ourselves. Anyway, the other day something happened that convinced me that all that I do for these people is really worth it.

I have been babysitting for the Malloy family since the summer before college started. At that time, their baby Colin was only a few months old. My friend Emmy from high school knew them from the Catholic Church, and she gave them my name. Since then, I have seen these kids at least a couple times a month. They had their second child, Maddy, two years ago. I taught Colin how to swim, his phone number and right now I am teaching him to write. I will also do the same for Maddy.

The Malloys are very well-off and very generous people. They have always paid me well, and have also been very generous. I always get very nice gifts from them for my birthday, christmas and sometimes just because. This past may I received an email from Christine... she bought me an engraved pink ipod mini, just because of all the work I do. This isn't why I keep babysitting for them, though (although it really does help when it takes me an hour and a half to get to their house from downtown.) I just enjoy being an honorary member of their family and really enjoy their kids.

Anyways, the lesson I learned is that the karma train does come around. Not only do I get very nice things from them (several ipods, cell phones, etc) I also get what most people value - connections to the AE world. Both Todd and Christine are business people with many contacts. They are in financing, though, so I never thought to ask them about their connections. Last week, after dropping the kids off, I was talking to Todd. He asked what area I wanted to study in grad school, and I told him that I was interested in either engines or avionics. The conversation followed like this...

Todd: Did I ever tell you about Christine's uncle who owns an avionics company?
Livia: You may have mentioned him before.
Todd: I'll send him an email and see what he has for internships next summer. Come to think of it, I know the Group Leader at GE, he probably has contacts at GE Aircraft and Gulfstream. I'll email him too. Oh! And my brother used to work for Boeing helicopter. I'll contact him to see who he knows. And, I just remembered, my brother in law used to work at Sikorsky. And his father at Pratt and Whitney. Tell you what, send me your resume and I'll make sure they all get it.

So, for the past week Todd has been nice enough not only to pass on my resume but also Will's to all these people with very good connections. And, it seems like he's very excited to be able to help.

Moral of the story: Give a little, cause it's fun and you never know what the Karma train will bring your way.

My uphill battle...

The end of the semester was ok. A strange thing happened. During dead week, all of a sudden I was very peaceful. Not stressed, snappy, worried, etc. I don't know what happened. All of a sudden, contentment, self esteem just clicked. So strange, that something that I always struggle with so much would just all of a sudden make sense.

I did learn a lot this semester, more about life than about engineering I think. But then again, isn't that what college is supposed to be all about? Unfortunately it just so happens that we go to a school where they want us to forget about becoming people in order to become engineers first (or scientists, lawyers, etc - not to discriminate against non-engineering majors.) I guess there is only so much of that a person can take. They can only tell you that you're not smart enough, you don't work hard enough, etc so many times before you snap. Maybe I snapped this semester. Or maybe it's that I broke a long time ago and haven't been myself since. I find myself reverting back to things that I thought I got rid of years ago. I supposed I finally decided it was enough. Maybe it was the involvement with the Women's Group that I was in. I know it definitely has something to do with the people I got to know better this semester...

So many things came together, it was crazy. I was content with my grades, my commitment to school, my intelligence and my priorities. These are things that I have struggled with for many years, even since before college. I realized that it is not the fact that I don't understand what I study that keeps me from getting the kind of grades that everyone wants me to get, it's that I don't have the commitment. Of course I want to do my best and work hard. But these are limited by many things. My priorities are what limit my grades, not my intelligence. Sure, I could have impeccable grades... but I would have to give up seeing Alden and Kaya, Colin and Maddy, work, biking, Will, and the list goes on. I don't know why it took me so long, but I finally decided that this is ok. Will it make finding a job or getting into grad school a bit more difficult? Perhaps. But, hopefully people will look past the GPA to see all the other qualities that I have.

I have also always really struggled with my appearance. In high school, my friends were the girls that always looked like they were supposed to be in an ad, always had guys checking them out, always looked their best. Then there was me. I never felt like I fit in with them. It also dawned on me that my body, my face, my nose, all the little things that I do or don't like about myself, these are all what God gave me. I can't be upset about it nor can I be proud of it. It's a gift, so I should be thankful.

...or, at least that I'm trying to be. I walked into my women's group that Thursday afternoon of Dead Week and they said they could see a difference in me. Already I feel like I've lost some of that. Grades came out, and they were what I was expecting but not what I hoped for. But on the other hand, I have been handling situations differently, which is a plus. I don't think that at the moment I exude that peace/contentment like I did that week, but I will always strive for that. And if I forget, remind me!

A woman from GE came and spoke to us a few weeks ago. She said something that stuck with me. She said that you can't base your self esteem on your accomplishments, because the day that you fail will come. But, base it on how you handle that day, and how you handle yourself on the difficult days. Self-esteem is an uphill battle all throughout life, and there will be days when you win and days you lose. She also said most people are looking for the person who can handle themselves well on the bad day... not the person who hasn't failed.


What I learned from this semester/the guest speaker/my women's group/my friends/Will: Self-esteem, confidence, contentment, and happiness are things that we will all struggle with always. But they also begin by making a choice. And from now on, I choose to be self-confident, happy, patient, peaceful and to work on my contentment.

(boy, was that cheesy or what? :-p)