The Year of the Bicycle

Will and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary this past Tuesday (July 26). I remember talking about the ambiguity of the date we officially "got together" during the first few months we were dating and finally deciding on that date. Getting Will to remember it is another story...

As the day drew near I found myself reminiscing about the time we have spent together. Our first year was exciting. There was a lot of traveling involved... trips to Greenvile, to Columbus, Will coming to Atlanta, Spring Break at Ft. Walton (with dozens of airplanes!), Savannah, D.C., my first camping trip and numerous hiking trips. It was The Year of the Airplane. We bonded at first over our love of everything that flies and spent the first year getting to know each other and all of our passions.

This past year was The Year of the Bicycle. Although the first year had more "exciting" events, and this past year had many bumps in the road and was very difficult at times, I enjoyed our second year more. We bonded even more through Will's passion for cycling and my interest in learning it. I learned so much about him, and about myself, this year. He never ceases to amaze me. Will has become the friend that I have always been looking for; the one who you can count on to answer the phone in the middle of the night, to come pick you up from the airport at 2am carrying a pillow and your favorite stuffed animal, who will drive 30 minutes to give you a hug, who defends you when you need it, stands up for you, and a million other things to show that they care. He is there when I need someone to lean on, gives me pep talks when I need inspiration, and pushes when he knows I can do better.

The past few weeks were especially rough, given the rollercoaster that I was riding. But after an especially difficult talk we had, I decided to get off the rollercoaster and be happy. I don't know what caused my emotions to tumble that way, but as I sat there and looked at him I knew I didn't want anything else and that I especially didn't want to make him hurt anymore.

Tuesday Will had an especially rough day with the applied physiology study, but he insisted on going out that evening. He surprised me with red roses (I never thought I would get some from him!) and took me to dinner at The Melting Pot. Dinner was wonderful (we realized that in 2 years we had never eaten somewhere with reservations :-p). We were there for 2 hours and both enjoyed a special meal and new experience. He told me that several years ago he never would've done something like that and that I show him so many new thing. It was awesome to hear because I know that he has definitely brightened my world and I hoped to do just a little for him.

He asked me that night what year 3 would be called, and I told him to ask on the night of our anniversary. But earlier today we decided it will be The Year of Awesomeness. :-)

Very Interesting

You Are 47% American

America: You don't love it or want to leave it. But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over. On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead... And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!

How American Are You?

Surprise Surprise

Your Political Profile

Overall: 20% Conservative, 80% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

Moronic Behavior

What kind of person treats someone they love and that means the world to them this way? Especially at this point in time...

From now on, no more idiotic, mean, moronic behavior. I will gain and keep some perspective. I will not let a little insignificant comment bring all of my fears and insecurities to the surface and send me into a spin. I will be logical.

No more.
I will be understanding and loving. I will be the Livia he loves and deserves.
The end.

Rollercoaster

I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past few weeks. I don't know what's going on. I am moody, irritable. I keep picking fights with Will. The littlest thing will send me into a spin. This should be a happy time - we are celebrating our two year anniversary on July 26. We had a wonderful weekend, but here it is Tuesday and I picked a fight at work.

I figure it's a combination of things, and none really to do with him. The loneliness, the feeling that I'm getting left behind while the lives of the people I know take off with direction, the fear that comes with the unknown, the loss of perspective. Then there's the fear that we will go back to that place again, that I will become too dependent. Wondering about whether the little things will become large things as time goes on and I look to "settle down." It causes me to put up walls.

For so long the issues and problems in our relationship have revolved around Will and I guess I have become comfortable. But now I have to take responsibility. And I really hate that I make things difficult and make him doubt how nice and sweet he is.

Girls really are more trouble than they're worth, aren't they?

Cracked

Everytime I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles, all my fears dissolve in your affections
You see me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

You stay the course, you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire
You save me, You complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you'll never turn to go

You stay the course, you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire
You save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm ok
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day

You stay the course, you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing i know i can believe

~ Sarah McLachlan, Push

I Want the Solution Manual

I always enjoy riding with John. We talk the whole time and it's really refreshing to talk to someone new yet nice to know someone with so many similarities.

I don't know if they come to mind because of what we talk about or because they've just been on my mind, but I have been wondering so many things recently. How do you know when it's the right person? Should you invest the time and energy if it's not the right person, or should you keep looking? If things are different then what you thought they would be, is it because you settled or because your expectations were unrealistic? Are they high standards or are they unrealistic?

Ok, so we haven't actually talked about all of these... but what I conclude is that I want the solution manual.

Life After ESAS

I walked into work early Monday morning, ready to lead the ONR meeting with Elise and Sara, but there stood Dr. Kirby. She said locking out the calculator had pissed off some people at NASA and that they called and said our "services are no longer required." Even though I'm upset about the situation, I'm excited to get back to a normal working schedule. The past few weeks I logged 3 weeks of overtime/vacation, the first of which I will be taking next week. I have forgotten to take care of many things, sometimes bills, sometimes school stuff. I have stayed in that building until midnight way too many times and have lived the unhealthy life that I try to avoid.

One of the things that I forgot about was my degree petition. I had attempted to contact the Modern Languages department over a month ago about my minor petition, and I just assumed they would get back to me before the petitions were due. Friday I finally had some time to breath and found out that the deadline had passed. After some running around I was able to turn in my major one and they told me I have one week to turn in the minor petition. Now if I could only get the idiots at the Modern Languages building to answer the phone, email or anything!

One thing that happens when I have free time is that I ride my bike... a lot! I finally hit my goal of 100+ miles per week last week, faciliated by a challenging 60 mile ride on the Silver Comet (my longest, to date). We went to the big tunnel which was cool and kinda creepy. Still, it was fun though. I am so much faster than what I used to be! How exciting! It is the neatest thing ever to catch up to Will and hear him say "you're hauling."
That's one of the biggest compliments I've ever gotten from him.

So next week I have the week off... it'll be GRE study time and Grad School App filling out time. And catching up on schoolwork. And lots of riding!

Spacefuckers, Inc

For those who don't know, the title is a reference to a NIN song.

But anyway, I think they should rename NASA that. At least the Space part. Thanks to some retard in a one-year rotational position at Headquarters, we get no credit for all the work we've done. This guy was very skeptical back in May and now he wants credit for the idea. Hey buddy!!! It's been freakin published already!

The whole Space part of that organization is so messed up. Letting one guy determine billions of taxpayer dollars... that's just not right. But I guess NASA isn't really an Ethical place, is it?

I realize that disorganization and "politics" happens at every company, but NASA I feel is beyond help. Hey Congress, let's reboot! Plus, most people don't care about Mars anyway.

Here's hoping they further embarrass themselves.

Follow Through

So, since you want to be with me
You’ll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
For you to stick around
I’ll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through

~ Gavin DeGraw

I was feeling better but now I am back to the thoughts I was having. And, despite the best of my intentions, I couldn't keep myself from being stuck in this place again.