Responsibility

I've decided to be lame and stick around here this weekend so I can pack. I guess it's the right thing to do since I haven't started yet. I guess it's not too bad since I will be traveling the next 6 weekends in a row.

In other news, Danny and I are going on a trip to Mexico. Damn, we live the life.

Return

The return trip always bums me out a little. Usually it's because I know I'll have to go days if not weeks without enjoying the awesome company of my boy in person. The crazy weekends, like our last trip to Knoxville or this past long weekend in Memphis, make me especially sad because we don't get any real QT together. And this weekend Delta added a little blow to my sadness but not squeezing us onto the same flight, thus preventing me from realizing much looked-forward-to dinner plans with the boy.

And it gets worse. I'm dreading the return to work tomorrow. After 5 days off, I can't seem to find reasons to go back. Do they pay me enough for this shit? Most certainly they do not. I made the mistake of checking my email and I know tomorrow will be hellish. If only I didn't give a shit. If only I didn't care that head-up-his-own-ass engineer wasn't going to park the entire international fleet with his stupid ideas.

Maybe I can learn not to. Maybe I can give up the benefits. Maybe it's time for change.

Stress

Life is stressful right now. I know that there are those who thought real life would be easier than school, and in some ways it is. But in other ways it's not.

I'm traveling Friday to meet my boyfriend's entire extended family at his brother's wedding (oh yeah, don't forget the meeting-the-family-complex that I acquired from previous boyfriend's redneck backwards family.) The summer crunch is approaching at work and I'm starting to feel it. The overbearing, disrespectful, idiot engineer that I have to work with continues to make my life a living hell. The decisions that he makes behind my back are making the summer crunch look like it's going to be worse and worse. Not to mention the abuse.

It's a lot right now. I think I'll take a personal day tomorrow. Maybe then I'll find some time to sit down and expand on the discrimination I face at work. Or that ex-bf complex. Or that I'm totally flasking it to the wedding.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

This weekend was hard on me, missing Danny wise. First it was cheesy chick flicks that made me want hugs so badly. Then it was shopping for dresses and playing Wii with friends. Then eating Matt's portobello mushroom-canadian bacon concoction.



Most of the time it's ok. Most of the time I like going to workout and cooking dinner for myself and having alone time.

But then sometimes it seems like there are a million things throughout the day that make me think of the boy and make me want to talk to him. Maybe it's because the last time we hung out, it wasn't really quality time so much as it was running around with people to see and places to go.

Then again, visits sometimes just make me remember what I'm missing.

All in all, though, I'm glad things worked out like this and I wouldn't take my decisions back for anything.


Is it Thursday yet? I don't know how you've done it all this time, Wendy Boone.

Go with the flow

Lately I've seen a lot of people settle into the life that we're all taught to want and have. Married out of college. Pregnant immediately after. No time to find yourself, enjoy life, see if your marriage will work, save cause kids cost an arm and a leg.

I am programmed to want this life as well, and I have to wonder how many people actually stop and think about things or whether they go through the motions of it all before they even realize what's happening. I understand more and more how people can turn around 5, 10, 20 years down the road and want out cause they only then realize or admit what they really want. The way things go with this society, I have to believe this is probably the norm.

My anonymous commenter on Wedding Season made some great points. To be honest? I'm still extremely pissed at Will. For many things. For never deserving or amounting to what I thought of him. For throwing away all that hard work in college, everying I did to pull him through undergrad and get him into grad school, by not getting a job in aviation. For throwing away his own dreams. For adopting someone else's life and beliefs without much questioning. I'm livid. Because I wasted so much time on someone who was so clearly clueless. In the end, he ended up being no different than all those flaky girls I struggled to distance myself from in high school and college.

I want more. More than a house, 2.5 kids and a dog in the suburbs. I want to see the world. I want to break through that ceiling at work and kick ass. I want to pay off my debts. I want extraordinary.

And then, after that, I'll settle for a few kids. But in the mountains somewhere, so I can teach them to ski when they're still in diapers