Dead To Me

Today the Tour started. This year, I am short one watching buddy. And I am sad. Summer is my favorite time with this buddy, with watching in the morning and out riding in the afternoon. Except, lately, I couldn't oversee their flaws anymore. Years later, their self-absorbed nature and unwillingness to put others first finally got to me. These past few months have been really rough on me, and this buddy just added to it. Why miss such a jerk?

Not only added to it, but became toxic. Couldn't put themselves aside for one night to celebrate everything that I've been working towards for years. Made me feel bad about being depressed. The tears, hositility, irritability - all symptoms that have been improving - were just "tantrums" to this person. They had no compassion and made no effort to understand my situation. They threatened me, both verbally and physically. Then overreacted when I attempted to defend myself. As if any girl, when being physically intimidated by a guy much larger than her, would've just sat there.

I have a small support circle. It takes a lot for me to trust someone enough to add them. And, once someone is in, it takes a lot of disappointment to be kicked out. I'm still in a little bit of shock that I had to kick this person out. But, now that I think about it, they've always been this way. I just decided to overlook it before.

The good news is I can ignore them. Not only that, but with lots of hard work, therapy and medication I will and am going to get better. They, however, have no excuse for their behavior. That's who they are, they will always be stuck with that. It'll bite them in the ass and has already started to. Now they cannot count me, one of the most dependable, generous, caring and loyal people I know, as a friend. Not only that, karma will get them.

And, if not, maybe I'll help it along a bit.